Lasers On The Ride

Episode 27 of Lasers on the Ride, The Notorious Mookie Lee, sees the return of contributor KC and kicks off with the Lasers speaking on their roots, African mostly, and moves on to talk of Tiger Woods and other philanderers. Jay tries to spread The Arkells and gets rebuffed real quick and then tells a story of Coltrane that you have to hear to believe and then still be an idiot to believe. KC helps establish a theme song for the podcast and Jazz is discussed pretty heavily. The Lasers wind the episode down with an attempt at arriving at certain consensuses but ultimately fail – chaos reigns!!!!

In Sarah Jay Switches Lanez, episode 26 of Lasers on the Ride, Sarah Jay, Associate Editor-in-Chief at Hip Hop Canada, joins the Lasers to talk rap music and make some jokes. The episode kicks off when Sarah blows minds with the reveal of Jewish Sesame Street and delivers some insight into the Orthodox Jewish community in Calgary. The group speaks vices, whether weed makes you lazy (100% of moms say yes), and fashion blogs. Sarah names names on some rappers (MGK stand up) and the group clears the air between Sarah and Akil. Politics in Rap (trademark) is broached, Canadian rappers are discussed and the group talks circumcision, with Akil and Mike taking strong stances for and against. The group talks favorite rappers, calls out some least favorites, and plays what colour is Memphis Bleek’s durag?

In Multiverse, episode 25 of Lasers on the Ride, Mike reveals what plastic surgery he wants once he’s popping and Akil asks for advice on how to stick to his guns. They lose their minds discussing possible urban warfare scenarios, talk little kid producers, and mood board new hairstyles for Pusha T. To finish it off the Lasers come up with cute murder names for current/future/possibly crime ridden cities and Mike recalls his time on hella hard Delmar.

In episode 24 of Lasers on the Ride the Lasers start by broaching buddy cop scenarios and bad bad behavior at work before they wake up KC with weed and explain why you shouldn’t call someone buddy, buddy. They discuss inspiration and the creative process and then balls and then underpants and then balls again. Ken Griffey Jr helps Mike avoid pre-2-early-ejaculation and the Lasers re-examine the white man of the year awards. Mike remarks how he’s not interested in people’s opinions when it comes to his music-stuff and Jay remarks how he welcomes the attention haha.

In episode 23 of Lasers on the Ride Mike and Akil pick nominees for white man of the year and consider Jay for the spot. They talk fresh white tees and move on to discussions surrounding #BlackLivesMatter, Michael Jordan, and white men’s fear of black men’s prowess. The Lasers discuss parenting techniques and some of the reprimands they survived growing up.

In episode 22 of Lasers on the Ride Akil learns that he can properly punch and the guys explore various steam blowing mechanisms. The Lasers contrast Jay Z and Diddy and play a game to guess who ghostwrote some of Diddy’s most famous verses (J Cole poops the bed here). Jay tells a story of a job interview gone bad, the Lasers bring back Johnny Blaze apparel and discuss the likelihood that they were conceived near fire/hot tubs. They talk muz-ACK and Mike blows Akil’s mind/breaks his heart when he reveals that Bob Marley’s dad was white. Jay thinks bidets are a status symbol and reveals that he has never encountered a double sink bathroom...no but ever.

Episode 21 of Lasers on the Ride kicks off with SonReal hate (shots fired ahahaha) and more Johnny Cash disparaging. The Lasers find out they don’t know what an adverb is and assign Sex and the City personalities to one another (Akil doesn’t like what he hears, Mike hates Aidan, and Jay is revealed to be jazz dude). A fight breaks out outside the studio and Akil uses Mike’s lyrics to frame him for a domestic, before telling of how he once used pee as a weapon. Toronto’s Caribana is covered and 1967 is explored.

In episode 20 of Lasers on the Ride the Lasers welcome Montreal rap producer 80 Rock to the mezzanine. Conversation kicks off with talk of 80’s removal of the American flag from his much loved Polo garb collection and the gang briefly speak politics and chicken wing spots. 80 talks his production process and the crew discuss city birds vs suburb birds before Mike paints a vivid picture using latinos camping. Ken vs Ryu comes back around as does “forget it, pick a record!” and the crew discusses the traps inherent to sampling reggae and then the intricacies of russian funk. 80 Rock gives us some insight into his background and the dudes dive in and wade chest deep in 80s rock. The conversation winds down with Mike calling The Game a 2 X bitch for getting a butterfly face tattoo and then changing it ‘pon getting clowned and finally rapper J Red stops by to discuss hot yoga.

In episode 19 of Lasers on the Ride, the Lasers prepare for the arrival of their guest and also the microphone they desperately need for his use. First things first the Lasers attempt to fashion a fun game for him and Mike tells of how he once upon a time closely examined the data and predicted the downfall of a video game giant. The Lasers discuss the Troy Ave/Taxstone saga/telenovela, vacation spots and then teexxx meeexxxx before moving on to the soiling of pants and laxatives. Jay tells of how his radio prof once made the class listen to the racist relic that is Amos ‘n’ Andy without acknowledging the glaring issue at hand and Mike talks taco bowls and black Mexicans.

On episode 18 of Lasers on the Ride, part 2/2 of the Meta4ce interview, the gang plays “forget it, pick a record!” and discusses the problems inherent to rap crews before attempting to establish the best one. Meta delves into the intricacies of the Christian Lebanese and tells stories of Karl Wolf’s tour rules and then of an old ass orgy involving 2 Live Crew sans Luke in Pointe Claire Village. As the conversation winds down, Meta gets inspirational and talks letting go and loving what you do and Jay introduces his new game “New England Patriot or famous polygamist?”

On episode 17 of Lasers on the Ride the dudes bring in former rapper and current father Meta4ce who previously and still kinda travels the world as hypeman for Canadian sensation Karl Wolf. To start off Meta drops knowledge, including why he rolled real deep on stage, and then tells the story of how his successful club night got shut down by F1 driver Jacques Villeneuve. He moves on to how he met Karl Wolf and details their first show together. Lastly Meta chronicles some of their travels.

On episode 16 of Lasers on the Ride the guys are joined by rapper/battle rapper/producer Loe Pesci. First Akil and Loes discuss Leslie Jones/SNL/the Ghostbusters reboot before Loes speaks rather disparagingly on Mother Theresa. Jay attempts to live vicariously through Loes’ graffiti bombing past and Loes wonders if Lil’ Wayne is the most improved rapper of all time (he is, though alternates are provided). The whole crew wax nostalgic on No Limit Records. St Henri hero Louis Cyr is discussed though there is definite confusion as to who exactly he is. Akil and Loes discuss the joys and complexities of sampling. Mike shows everyone how Frank Ocean was foreshadowing in his rhymes and Loes gives his thoughts as to DJ Khaled and why he’s ultimately good for mankind. To close out, the gang find out the origins of the name “Hindu Kush”, Loes’ group with Sam Osa.

On episode 15 of Lasers on the Ride, the gang prepares for the arrival of Montreal bred international battle rap hero/villain Loe Pesci. Before he shows up Akil reveals his summer plans and confirms that he isn’t in fact Eeyore and Mike drops knowledge on chronic masturbation and trenchcoats. Mike establishes that he does not get down with Johnny Cash no how no way and the Lasers explore microphone techniques and develop what they call “the carabiner”. Battle rap is broached and the different eras and players are discussed. Once Loes arrives he takes us through his history and tells a great story of how Bishop Brigante got onto 106 & Park’s infamous “Freestyle Friday”.

Episode 14 of Lasers on the Ride, 2/2 of the Shogun series, kicks off with a trip down memory lane of fashion trends in rap throughout the aughts (DIPSET DIPSET DIPSET). Mase the God is broached and Shogun doesn’t get down but brings his A game to the “What colour is Memphis Bleek’s durag” competition. Buckle your seatbelts nerds because Akil and Shogun talk Batman vs Superman, Akil says “do you know your DC lore tho?” and the roof caves in (not really). Mike tells of his twitteractions with the president of Adult Swim who is actually its Creative Director and how they just can’t agree. More nerd stuff is broached, including South Park, Swingers, Scarlett Johansson, Power Rangers oh my. Jay loves bowling, Shogun drops a freestyle, and Ken vs Ryu rears its ugly head again.

In episode 13 of Lasers on the Ride the gang welcomes Montreal rapper and frequent collaborator Shogun to the podcast. Things kick off with Jay suggesting a way of giving back to the community that naturally involves penis before discussion shifts to the much-maligned “dress code” rules of the early and mid aughts. Shogun teases Akil with the idea of “Marvel Comics”-centric episode of Lasers and Mike reveals his thoughts on the Rza and Vancouver. Shogun speaks on the hidden racial attitudes in the city before metro stations are pitted against one another and Mike attempts to prepare the guys for an eventual zombie apocalypse. To wrap it up the Lasers tackle guns, violence, the consequences of said violence, and why “Braveheart” is trash.

Episode 12 of Lasers on the Ride, 3/3 in Break-Ups to Wake-Ups, begins with a Bootsy Collins concert live from the speakers of the Lasers’ studio. Mike brings up meditation and Jay relates. The Lasers workshop a story where produce comes alive in shut fridges and then say weird things about dead animals. Mike tells the story of Mason, a gator killing kid with flawed estimation skills, which sets off a flurry of guestimates. KC finishes up the episode with what KC does best: wordplay.

In episode 11, part 2 in the “Break-Ups to Wake-Ups” series, the Lasers begin by recalling tour stories, most gross, few not. KC returns, Akil hands out snacks and laughs and chew sounds abound. Akil really gets to the heart of the matter of his relationship (pun intended) and asks for advice. Mike gets to the heart of whales (pun intended, dude loves whales) and the Lasers talk whale babies and then later birds. Akil and Mike agree that Donald Sterling wasn’t really even as racist as they’d expect him to be and Mike tells a K-OS story. Akil returns to the scene of the crime of his heartbreak and the Lasers bear witness to his pain in a haha way.

In episode 10 of Lasers on the Ride, the first of three in the “Break-Ups to Wake-Ups” series, Mike recalls how the Knicks disrespected Phife with a t-shirt and the Lasers discuss Popeye and whether spinach was just drugs. Akil discusses his idea for a Montreal-centric tv show called “Frontreal” and wonders whether his twitter presence is too negative before Mike gets negative about microwaving fish. Mike finally addresses Akil’s hate-on for fellow producers and Akil gives us some insight into what’s really going on in there. An incredibly confident Akil launches the idea for a Lasers-only “Rhythm Roulette”, presumably forgetting that they had already planned on doing one, and Mike and Jay discuss happy accidents during freestyles.

In episode 9 of Lasers on the Ride the guys discuss Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and then keep digging deeper into triangles and get real about the food pyramid. Akil wonders/worries whether he is a negative nancy on the internet but chalks it up to being a gemini. Mike and Jay overindulge and discuss “nature’s instruments” and Akil pushes Daredevil. The Lasers scheme on where to hide the stash. Mike besmirches Karen Civil’s name and Bobby Brown catches his first W in a long time and high praise from the Lasers.

In this episode of Lasers on the Ride, the Lasers open with a story of Hulk Hogan falling prey to another man’s nasty, entrapping habit. Mike busts “on fleek” wide open and the Lasers talk slang. Mike then also shares his philosophy on Ls and how important it is to gracefully take those suckers in life. Lil Dicky is broached, the Lasers share their thoughts and Mike his disdain. They discuss Khaled, Nardwuar, and Khaled on Nardwuar. They go deeeeeep into beat talk, discuss the Black Keys and establish their best era, and Mike gives up on Jay-Z. The Lasers finish off by talking grooming and swap war stories, most of them involving penises, and Mike shares his philosophy on life, which is basically just sitting in that “stuff”.