Savage Lovecast

Her husband of ten years is interested in learning about non-monogamy. He started attending workshops about "divine femininity" and "dark masculinity." The workshop leader seems sketchy and cultish to the caller. How can she vet this potential grifter and help her husband develop a little reasonable skepticism? A woman and her husband have been in a poly relationship with another woman for 11 years. She is intertwined with the family and helps out with the kids. You know who also helps with the kids? The caller's mother-in-law, who lives with them. At some point will she guess who the girlfriend really is? Will the kids? Should the caller tell everyone that their "very good friend" is really their long-term partner?  On the Magnum, Dan welcomes back Mexican writer, artist and activist Leo Herrera, with some good news: Cruising is BACK, baby! He and Dan talk about how dating and hook-up apps fail gay men, and how people have lost the ability to interact IRL. His book "Analog Cruising" is out now. Learn how to

A straight woman wants to explore her bitchy side. She feels like all her edge got sanded away, and now she wants to try out the dom role. How can she find a man who wants a selfish, in-charge lover?  Meanwhile, a straight man is frustrated that his lady won't let him go down on her.  Our guest this week is Lyz Lenz, author of the NYT best-selling "This American Ex-Wife." Raised conservative Christian, Lenz found herself trapped in a joyless marriage, doing all the work, and getting gaslit like crazy. Now, she makes for a fiery, indignant, righteous interview. The first bit is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. Highly recommended.  And, a straight couple are fornicating their way through America's beautiful national parks. But what officially counts as sex? If he goes down on her under a domestic sequoia, did they just have sex? If she rims him in full view of Mount Rainier, did they "do it?" Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to

Getting a haircut is boring! Unless. Unless your hairstylist strokes your neck, pulls your hair, talks dirty and asks if you want to fool around.  A straight man was walking home at night when a drunk man hurled anti-gay insults at him. In a moment of improvised solidarity, the caller said he WAS gay. The drunk found some friends and chased the caller off. Now the caller wonders if what he did was wrong. His gay friend said it wasn't cool to pose as gay. What will Dan think? On the Magnum, Dan chats with Jason Roeder- former senior editor of the Onion, and author of "Griefstrike" which managed to make grief...hilarious. Now he's wading into the advice industry, with his column Bad Advice. You'll have to listen to find out if it lives up to its name. He and Dan talk about the etiquette of disclosing when you are playing the field on dating apps, whether after-care is to be expected of a friend with benefits, and a double standard in dating profile pics.   And just in time for Pride Month, a woman wonders if it

Dan takes on a couple of heavy calls this week- A woman learned that her ex-boyfriend of 8 years was convicted on child pornography charges. He will almost certainly go to prison. He was once her fiancé. Rough stuff.  Then, Dan helps a woman make the heart-breaking choice between a single or a double mastectomy.  Our guest this week is the sharp, hilarious comedian Jared Goldstein. He and Dan talk about how gay men reject long-haired homos, how straight men don't get "headaches," and definitively answer whether dreams get weirder and kinkier as we age. A little is on the Micro, the whole thing is on the Magnum.  Finally, he's dating a woman who isn't quite over her ex. And her ex is the caller's boss. And the ex is a super-hot guy who hunts caribou. He was "like a drug" to his girlfriend. How can the caller ever hope to compete?  Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day fre

Yikes! Her boyfriend's pre-teen son has been stealing her underwear. This very naughty lad lives with them half the time. How can she get this boundary violation out of her head?  12 long years ago, he cheated on his wife. They got through it with therapy and endless processing. While watching TV with their kids (age 10 and 13) the subject of infidelity came up on the show, and his wife appeared upset. She was angry that he didn't pause the show and tell his kids that he had cheated on their mom. How can he work with her unresolved issues? On the Magnum, we are delighted to bring back our favorite anal surgeon, Dr. Evan Goldstein of Bespoke Surgical Dr. Goldstein has a new book out: "Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between." His take on sexual health and prioritizing pleasure is refreshing and rare. He and Dan talk about the health challenges transwomen face, and whether you can stretch out your ass in one fateful evening.  A gay man has a bad track record with

A lesbian has befriended a married lesbian couple. She thinks they're both hot, and in various light-hearted conversations, they said they were open to group sex. But were they serious? Should the caller proposition them?  When a woman was 17, she connected with a 24 year-old man, and began a fraught relationship full of sex, drama and sneaking around. She eventually cut things off, convinced that the age difference made it exploitative. He still tries to contact her now and again. How bad was this, and how can she get him out of her head?  This weeks guest is comedian Rachel Feinstein. Her upcoming Netflix comedy special "Big Guy" is not to be missed. Now, let's talk about tea bagging. Sure, you know what it means. But who is the "tea-bagger?" The one with the mouth, or the one with the balls? Unsurprisingly, this conversation raises more questions than it answers.  These two get super-real with each other, spelling out the stories of their first sexual encounters. Dan's first-time story has a detail that ev

For this Sex & Politics, Dan brings back Diana Adams, lawyer and legal advocate for queer and poly communities. Diana is the Executive Director of Chosen Family Law Center, a nonprofit providing free legal representation for low-income LGBTQIA+ families, asylum seekers, and trans communities in NY, and national legislative advocacy for LGBTQIA+, polyamorous, and non-nuclear families. Diana is co-founder of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition. Their popular TED talk ‘Why US Laws Must Expand Beyond the Nuclear Family’ has been viewed worldwide. Dan and Diana talk about the necessity to gain legal protections for poly folks, separate from the spiritual concept of matrimony. They answer a question from a man considering donating his sperm to an ex. And hear Dan try to score some free legal advice.  This is a short taste for the Micro listeners. To hear the full interview, become one of Dan's Magnum subs at Savage.Love. Find Diana @DianaAdamsEsq

Her man used to enjoy chewing tobacco, and it messed up his teeth. He has quit at her behest, but now he really needs to see a dentist. She doesn't want to shame him for his nasty mouth, but she also doesn't want to kiss him. How can she gently guide him into a dentists chair? A trans man is having a hard time finding women to date him. He insists he's a catch, but the ladies aren't biting. Why?  On the Magnum, Dan welcomes Peggy Orenstein, author of eight books including Boys & Sex and Girls & Sex. Her essay in the New York Times about the ubiquity of erotic choking among young people went viral, freaking parents out. She and Dan talk about the dangers (both physical and emotional) of choking and then move on to more pleasant subjects: Like the Madonna/whore complex! And wanting someone you cannot have.  Lastly, a gay man has a wet & messy kink. Lube wrestling? Let's go! Pie in the face? Yes please! But even though his boyfriend is game, the caller still feels shame and has a hard time asking for the thing t

When you throw a sweaty, sexy party, and most of the guests have left, except for your girlfriend and her ex, and this ex offers to suck your dick, saying his current girlfriend won't mind a bit, should you take his word for it?  A woman has met a new guy and likes him a lot! And he likes her too! You know what else he likes? His sex doll. He spent $1000 on it. The caller is very squicked out and doesn't know if it's deal-breaker or not.  On the Magnum, it's a love fest between Dan Savage and our guest- TV writer Stan Zimmerman. His work as a comedy writer is seen throughout many notable TV shows and sitcoms including The Golden Girls, Gilmore Girls, Roseanne, and The Brady Bunch movies. They talk about how Stan had to be closeted throughout his time writing for The Golden Girls (!!!), the special relationship many gay boys have with their mothers and grandmothers, and the gritty, gutty works of television.  Finally, a straight man in his 70s has always had a fantasy of being weak and abused. This erotic desi

A woman's party fell apart when her good -looking friend flirted with all the men and then led them away to a club. Was this a competitive power move? What kind of friend is this?  Expiration dates! You wouldn't drink old milk. Is it equally dangerous to use lube past its time? On the Magnum, Dan welcomes Jenée Desmond-Harris from Slate's "Dear Prudence" column. They advise a woman whose boyfriend wants to see sex workers. (He likes 'em "young and firm.") And a jealous boyfriend can't handle his girlfriend's (rather reasonable) number of past lovers. As veterans in the sex-advice space Dan and Jenée have some strong words for this insecure man.  A woman is about to get debilitating shoulder surgery. She is a submissive, without a primary partner. Who will take care of her when she is in her long recovery? And how can she do kink safely?  Q@Savage.Love       206-302-2064 Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance i

A woman has been enjoying an insertable vibrator that can be controlled by her partner. Whee! But she worries that if she wears it out in public, it constitutes a consent violation for the unwitting baristas who don't know why her eyes are crossing all of a sudden. On both the Micro and the Magnum, our second "What Are You Doing" features MzKim Lee- a very successful financial dominatrix. Why does she do it? How does she do it? How much does she earn? (The answer to this last question, may shock you.)  Are you ready for a trigonometry lesson? Writer Neil McNeil wrote a long piece about poly triads- their delights and pitfalls. If you are a couple considering bringing a third person into your relationship, or you want to join an existing couple, do have a listen.  And, a woman learned that her gal pal's husband was sighted in the bathroom...of a gay bar! Should she rat him out?  Q@Savage.Love           206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories

For this very special April 20th episode of Sex & Politics, Dan speaks with Republican apostate and charming podcaster Tim Miller, about the importance of voting blue (for you know who) this coming November. A second Trump presidency would just be too harsh of a toke. This is the first third of the interview. To hear the "sex " part of "Sex & Politics" in which they discuss some trouble involving a "pristine dick," subscribe to the Magnum version of the Lovecast, at Savage.Love.

A woman moved into a new house and promptly slept with her roommate. It was great sex and the caller wants a repeat. He claims he wants more as well, but then never actually takes her up on it. One night she asked if he wanted to...you know...do it, and he chose to play video games for 14 hours instead. So.  A veteran of the polyamorous lifestyle would like to push back on the idea that you can sleep with people and avoid catching feelings. It's just not a realistic rule, says this pragmatic lady. What do you think? On the Magnum, Dan chats with Alexandra Petri- humor columnist for the Washington Post. They talk about comedy writing in these dark times, and Alexandra helps answer a question about horny fantasy titles creeping into a woman's bookclub.  A woman is enjoying a friends-with-benefits situation with a man in an open marriage. She's beginning to fall in love with him in fact. But he and his wife are trying to get pregnant, and he has made it clear that the instant they see that pink line, he must swi

A woman's boyfriend wants her to play with his ass. But she doesn't know where to begin. Fingers? Tongue? What should she do down there?  A woman keeps getting harassed by men in cars jacking it and watching her creepily. What can she do in these unpleasant moments? On the Magnum Dan chats with journalist Ben Ryan about the effects of PrEP in gay sex culture. As DAN PREDICTED, with the rise of PrEP use, HIV infections plummeted, but other STIs are on the rise. Are condoms dead? Not so fast.  Finally, a lesbian couple are planning to have children. First one will carry the baby, then it will be the other one's turn for the second child. The mother of the woman who will carry the first baby blurted out that she was excited to be the bio grandmother. The non-bio mom-to-be was offended, and doesn't know how to let it go. When they have their second child will the grandmother love the child as much?  Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a websit

A gay man keeps sleeping with non-monogamous, married men, who are ultimately emotionally unavailable. But the sex is great! Why isn't he attracted to single men, hmmmm?  Parenting challenge ahoy! A couple with a blended family are getting along well, except for one thing. The mom's 15 year-old daughter loses her mind when she hears them having sex. She bangs on the wall, and makes retching noises when they kiss or otherwise show affection. How can they (respectfully) shut this behavior down?  On the Magnum, you'll delight in this conversation with Dr. Eric Sprankle, author of the new book, "DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation." Why are so many religions hung up on self-pleasure? Is semen retention good or bad for you? And those cute little fetuses you see on anti-abortion billboards? They're totally spanking it.  And, hear the tale of Willy and Wendy. One wild evening, a woman and her boyfriend had their pal "Willy" over. They did some MDMA, and tumbled into bed together. Then, the

For this episode of Sex & Politics, Dan speaks with Rob Henderson, author of "Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class." Rob's heart-breaking memoir goes into his wrenching childhood, and also his concept of "luxury beliefs," - sanctimonious ideas that the upper classes advocate for, but usually don't follow themselves, and ultimately hurt the poor and working class. Henderson includes non-monogamy as a luxury belief, and as you can imagine, Dan ain't havin' it.  This is a 20 minute taste of Sex & Politics. The Magnum version of this conversation goes on for over an hour- and that's where Dan and Rob go toe-to-toe over traditional vs. open relationships. To hear the rest of the interview, subscribe to the Magnum at Savage.Love. Hear their polite argument, and tell us what you think in the comments!

So, is he gay? The evidence: He likes sucking wieners, anal play, and he has a sex machine that he uses on his butt. Also, he is showing less and less interest in having sex with the caller, and when she asks him about it he responds "Is sex all you care about?"  An anxious cougar is suspicious of the young men who hit on her. Why would they want to be with someone twice their age? She knows she should count her blessings, and her friends all roll their eyes at her discomfort. How can she get out of her head about this and enjoy the youthful dick already?  Our guest this week is Rhaina Cohen, author of "The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center." She and Dan talk about the state of friendship in our culture, how friendship takes a backseat to romantic love, and how we put way too much pressure on our partners to be our everything. A little is on the Micro and all of it is on the Magnum.  "Good girl." That's what he tells her when they're doing a scene. But it's also what she

You guys! We are in crisis! There are just not enough hot young women! DO. THE. MATH. A woman is dating a trans woman. Her girlfriend recently got bottom surgery, and wants to try being penetrated with an actual penis, as opposed to a toy. Should the caller allow for an open relationship to accommodate this? Strap in folks, we're unveiling a new extra spicy segment of the show called "What Are you Doing?" Dan reaches out to folks who are doing amazing things in the world of sex, and asks them to please explain. In this first one, Dan interviews adult entertainer Rob Wilde, to explain his kink for saline infusions. Did you know that you could stick a needle in your balls and blow them up to the size of basketballs...for a day? You can! Learn all about it.  And, a woman and her boyfriend are getting creative with medical byproducts. You'll have to listen in to hear how.  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Sq

"Ewww! Blood!" That's what her boyfriend says whenever she even mentions her menstrual cycle. Should she try to educate him as to why this is immature and offensive to a lady with lady parts?  Dan has a conversation with a man whose wife is unilaterally opening their relationship. Can their marriage withstand his wife getting a tattoo from her new lover?  On the Magnum, Dan talks to fellow term-coiner Lara Starr, who came up with the name "Sister Ex" to describe the powerful relationship that can emerge when two (or more) ex-girlfriends share notes. And, somewhere, deep in the Deep South, a couple just set up their new hot tub. But they are worried that if they invite friends over to join them it will appear to be a big, sexy swingers move. How can they avoid misunderstandings? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  Get a

A 27 year-old divorced woman goes to bars and picks up both men and women. She prefers them to be at least 10 years older because (as everyone knows,) they are better in bed. How can she find people in this age range, and keep their attention? A young, gay hottie hasn't had sex in 2 years because he wants more of a connection than casual hook-ups. But when he does connect, he loses interest quickly. How can he get over his analysis paralysis? Our guest this week is Molly Roden Winter, author of MORE: A Memoir of Open Marriage. She and Dan talk about how our society loses its mind at the thought of women (and especially mothers) exercising sexual autonomy. They talk about the challenges and benefits of polyamory and how to overcome jealousy. A little is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. A woman with some kind of special sauce keeps making all the men fall in love with her! She clearly states from the very first date that she isn't looking for commitment. But they cling and they cling. What is