Savage Lovecast

She slept with a lad who didn't wear a condom when he said he would, came inside her and wouldn't help pay for Plan B. The hitch? He's great in bed, and she is hard up. Should she sleep with him again, if he promises to be a good boy?  A caller challenges Dan on his personal dislike of massages. "How can this possibly be?" asks the caller.   Our guest this week, is the brilliant psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel. Dan and Esther talk about infidelity, how monogamous relationships can turn into police states, and the difference between sex and eroticism- among many other things. We put a chunk of this conversation on the Micro, but there's a lot more on the Magnum.  It's the classic bait n' switch. A queer man met his wife via Feeld where she claimed to be interested adventurous sex. Now that they're married, they are monogamous, vanilla and the caller is tearing his hair out. They are doing all the therapy. What they aren't doing is having amazing kinky sex.  Q@Savage.Love 206-

Oh no! He broke the flirting rules. He kissed a lady and lied about it. (He lies a lot apparently.) But now, it makes her sick to look at him. What now? A man and his boyfriend just bought a house together and they are setting up one of the rooms as a nursery...because they are both adult babies. What should they tell visitors if they ask what the locked room is for? On the Magnum, it's the triumphant return of "What Are You Doing?!" A cuckold relationship with a femme-dom twist, you say? Do tell! Meet John and Maria, a seemingly "normal" couple that get super-freaky where it counts. They explain how they met, and gradually morphed into an amped-up sexual relationship. If you are interested in cuckolding, Dom/sub relationships or just want to peer in, have a listen. And, a woman heard that if her husband gets a vasectomy his semen will lose the delicious flavor she so enjoys. Is it true? Or maybe...not? Let's ask science! Q@Savage.Love          206-302-2064

A man and his girlfriend are well-matched. Except...she doesn't like to kiss and he NEEDS to kiss to get his erotic motor running. Whatever can they do?  The good doctor Barak is back... but this time he's here to share his political giving strategy for this election, where your dollar is mightier than ever. And of course Dan ambushes him with a gnarly sex question.  On the Magnum, what happens when a man is jealous of his...mother? Dan chats with whip smart writer Jill Filipovic about millennial/boomer divide and the seething resentments within.  And, a man and his husband are finally having three-ways after 30 years of marriage. They get more excited to be with their special guest stars than they do with just each other. Is this a problem?  Call us with *your* problem. (Even if it isn't a problem.)  Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. Right now, Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sl

Git along little doggie! A gay man in academia has always been into cowboys. But he fights his brain, due to the inherently problematic nature of this fetish. Can (or should) he scrub these fantasies from his mind?  A woman in Berlin would like to go to Folsom Europe. But would she be welcome? Dan chats with kink educator AJ Berlin about gay male sex party spaces, and who is (and isn't) welcome.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with a true unicorn- a monogamous gay man. Don Martin is an author, podcaster and prolific THIRST TRAPPER. He's been with his husband for 18 years in a very happy exclusive relationship. They talk about accepting yourself as gay, going the distance with monogamy, escaping body dysmorphia and so much more. They had a wide-ranging conversation and you are invited to listen in.  And, are there any foot fetishists out there who are ladies? Anyone?  Call! Tell us about it!  Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories

Workplace intrigue ahoy! A gay trans man who passes completely, is out to some of his co-workers but not all. Over drinks, one of his bosses told him he was bi, but not attracted to male genitals. So was this his way of acknowledging that the caller is trans, and flirting with him? Or was it cluelessly his way of saying he *wasn't* interested? Confusing! What should the caller do?  A straight man loved giving his previous girlfriend multiple orgasms. But now that he's single and knows how good it can be, he feels pressure to give multiple orgasms every time, to all his lovers. Is this a new expectation for men? How can he have good sex without his self-critical brain ruining everything?  On the Magnum, you may recall a few weeks ago, a woman asked about cross-dressing men. She wanted to understand the difference between cross-dressers, trans women and drag queens. Nancy Rose is a cross-dresser with a very masculine side when she's in man mode and a very feminine side when she's in "Nancy mode." In this conver

A woman is starting up a new relationship. Her previous boyfriend was a dom who introduced her to kink. She loved it but found it all too contrived. How can she take the parts of Dom/sub dynamics she likes and leave the scripted parts behind? It used to take her soooooo long to come. But then she discovered suction toys, and blam! Her husband learned how to get her off orally, but then they divorced. Now she's back to square one and worries it will take another 6 years to train new lovers to get her off. How can she give them a crash course in how her body works?  On the Magnum, a severe strain of Mpox is on the rise in Africa. Dan brings back the wise and calm Dr. Carlton to discuss this and other anal health issues. Dr. Carlton shares his handy, (if sacriligious) technique to open up for anal sex without poppers. And they spell out use of Truvada, Doxy Pep and other meds on the scene. If you use your butt for sex, you'll want to tune in. A single mother and breast cancer survivor needs a little cash. She wo

A straight man was horrified to discover that he wasn't attracted to his hook-up when she took her clothes off. She extracted a confession from him, and he was honest about his sudden repulsion. Was this the right thing to do?  A woman would like to help her 70 year-old mother choose and navigate dating apps. Dan calls up Joan Price, author of Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex to give the run-down. On the Magnum, Dan chats with our new favorite dom- "The Funny Dom," a 24/7 Daddy Dominant based in Melbourne, Australia. They discuss how to vet a dom, how straight male doms come under more scrutiny than femme doms, and how kink employs creativity to process trauma into something wonderful, cathartic and sexy. We love the Funny Dom and so will you.  And, can we talk about celery juice? Does it make come taste sweet? Q@Savage.Love 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free

We start the show with a simple question. Should she sleep with the gardener? Her marriage has become sexless, and though her husband swears he would be into a three-way, she wants to audition the hot gardener first.  Some questions require a medical opinion. Some questions are so gnarly that only the most intrepid medical experts will suffice. There is only one man who can fill this role. And that man is Doc Barak.  On the Magnum, Dan brings on your next favorite guest, Jeff Guenther a.k.a "TherapyJeff." His new book, Big Dating Energy is out now. They talk about dating apps, scheduled sex and how capitalism destroys relationships, Also, Dan self-diagnoses his attachment style, and Jeff makes a sacred promise. And, a near virgin has asked our brave caller if she would relieve him of his virginity. She thinks it could be fun and a mikvah. But is there anything she should be aware of or look out for?  Q@Savage.Love        206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build

Hear the modern tale of the single mom, who is so committed to raising a "theybie" that she won't let her best friend babysit, lest she take a peek down below while changing diapers.  A woman is worried about her brother. He has been sober for a couple years after a traumatic childhood. Now he is dating a woman who just broke up with his pal, who still drinks. They are keeping their relationship under wraps. Will the secrecy and sordid nature of it all suck him back into using?  On the Magnum, do you like your comedy dry? Dan brings on stand-up comedian Emily Catalano to talk about the orgasm gap, intentionally bad blowjobs, and the quirkiness of releasing a comedy album on vinyl. And, a rumination on crossdressers: What is the difference between crossdressers, drag queens and trans women? Dan breaks it down. And to all the crossdressers out there- we want to hear from you! Q@Savage.Love    206-302-2064 Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant acti

A woman with the best intentions wants to secretly hire a sex worker for her depressed, newly divorced friend. Any downsides here? Speaking of divorce, Dan gives a long pep-talk to a man struggling with how to get over his.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Dr. Sara Glass, author of the fantastic memoir "Kissing Girls on Shabbat." Dr. Glass was raised in a hyper- religious Hasidic Jewish community. She later came out as queer and completely changed her life. Dan and Dr. Glass had a raw, heart-felt conversation talking about the zap religion can put on a child's head, and how coming out is difficult but so worthwhile.  And, a 16 year-old boy is eager to get into the pup lifestyle/community. But he can't join most of these spaces because of his age. What can he do besides wait and howl at the moon?  Q@Savage.Love    206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for

A man's new boyfriend had an adult circumcision, and now can't come very easily. He wants to help his boyfriend come, but doesn't want to pressure him. How can he thread the needle and start gobbling?  A straight man is in a brat/dom dynamic, where his girlfriend "misbehaves" and then gets "punished" by the caller. They all love it, but now she is also seeing a different man who leaves marks on her body. She showed the caller a photo of herself as a way to elicit his punishment. But he suddenly feels jealous! Not sexy! How can they alter their dynamic so everyone gets what they want?  On the Magnum, it turns out that Dan is a medical mystery! Why can't he find his own car in a parking lot? Why does he meet people over and over again without recognizing them? In an attempt to get a clear diagnosis, Dan brings on the charming and hilarious science reporter Sadie Dingfelder. Her new book, "Do I Know You? A Faceblind Reporter's Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory and Imagination," should offer clues into Da

It's the "Overthinking It" episode!  "I'll give you $100 if you spit in my beer." This offer was made by a random gentleman in a sushi bar to an unsuspecting lady. She declined. Would you do it? Is anything wrong here? Overthinking it? Meanwhile, a man wonders if the dubious ethics he saw in a porno plot renders said porno too problematic to enjoy. Overthinking it!  On the Magnum, we're delighted to welcome Andy Richter to the show. He's best known for his years as Conan O'Brien's sidekick, and now hosts The Three Questions podcast. He and Dan talk about replacing the term "body count" (the number of sex partners you've had) with something more...upbeat. And, they talk about they dynamics of the "relationship escalator."  And, hear the tale of woman who has an orgasm every time she sees a masseuse. Is there a consent issue here, or is she...overthinking it? Have a question for the show? Don't think too hard- just ask!  Q@Savage.Love         206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They ma

Man we're tired. So we went on vacation! No show this week, but we'll back at you on July 9. 

Her husband of ten years is interested in learning about non-monogamy. He started attending workshops about "divine femininity" and "dark masculinity." The workshop leader seems sketchy and cultish to the caller. How can she vet this potential grifter and help her husband develop a little reasonable skepticism? A woman and her husband have been in a poly relationship with another woman for 11 years. She is intertwined with the family and helps out with the kids. You know who also helps with the kids? The caller's mother-in-law, who lives with them. At some point will she guess who the girlfriend really is? Will the kids? Should the caller tell everyone that their "very good friend" is really their long-term partner?  On the Magnum, Dan welcomes back Mexican writer, artist and activist Leo Herrera, with some good news: Cruising is BACK, baby! He and Dan talk about how dating and hook-up apps fail gay men, and how people have lost the ability to interact IRL. His book "Analog Cruising" is out now. Learn how to

A straight woman wants to explore her bitchy side. She feels like all her edge got sanded away, and now she wants to try out the dom role. How can she find a man who wants a selfish, in-charge lover?  Meanwhile, a straight man is frustrated that his lady won't let him go down on her.  Our guest this week is Lyz Lenz, author of the NYT best-selling "This American Ex-Wife." Raised conservative Christian, Lenz found herself trapped in a joyless marriage, doing all the work, and getting gaslit like crazy. Now, she makes for a fiery, indignant, righteous interview. The first bit is on the Micro and the whole thing is on the Magnum. Highly recommended.  And, a straight couple are fornicating their way through America's beautiful national parks. But what officially counts as sex? If he goes down on her under a domestic sequoia, did they just have sex? If she rims him in full view of Mount Rainier, did they "do it?" Q@Savage.Love      206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to

Getting a haircut is boring! Unless. Unless your hairstylist strokes your neck, pulls your hair, talks dirty and asks if you want to fool around.  A straight man was walking home at night when a drunk man hurled anti-gay insults at him. In a moment of improvised solidarity, the caller said he WAS gay. The drunk found some friends and chased the caller off. Now the caller wonders if what he did was wrong. His gay friend said it wasn't cool to pose as gay. What will Dan think? On the Magnum, Dan chats with Jason Roeder- former senior editor of the Onion, and author of "Griefstrike" which managed to make grief...hilarious. Now he's wading into the advice industry, with his column Bad Advice. You'll have to listen to find out if it lives up to its name. He and Dan talk about the etiquette of disclosing when you are playing the field on dating apps, whether after-care is to be expected of a friend with benefits, and a double standard in dating profile pics.   And just in time for Pride Month, a woman wonders if it

Dan takes on a couple of heavy calls this week- A woman learned that her ex-boyfriend of 8 years was convicted on child pornography charges. He will almost certainly go to prison. He was once her fiancé. Rough stuff.  Then, Dan helps a woman make the heart-breaking choice between a single or a double mastectomy.  Our guest this week is the sharp, hilarious comedian Jared Goldstein. He and Dan talk about how gay men reject long-haired homos, how straight men don't get "headaches," and definitively answer whether dreams get weirder and kinkier as we age. A little is on the Micro, the whole thing is on the Magnum.  Finally, he's dating a woman who isn't quite over her ex. And her ex is the caller's boss. And the ex is a super-hot guy who hunts caribou. He was "like a drug" to his girlfriend. How can the caller ever hope to compete?  Q@Savage.Love     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day fre

Yikes! Her boyfriend's pre-teen son has been stealing her underwear. This very naughty lad lives with them half the time. How can she get this boundary violation out of her head?  12 long years ago, he cheated on his wife. They got through it with therapy and endless processing. While watching TV with their kids (age 10 and 13) the subject of infidelity came up on the show, and his wife appeared upset. She was angry that he didn't pause the show and tell his kids that he had cheated on their mom. How can he work with her unresolved issues? On the Magnum, we are delighted to bring back our favorite anal surgeon, Dr. Evan Goldstein of Bespoke Surgical Dr. Goldstein has a new book out: "Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between." His take on sexual health and prioritizing pleasure is refreshing and rare. He and Dan talk about the health challenges transwomen face, and whether you can stretch out your ass in one fateful evening.  A gay man has a bad track record with

A lesbian has befriended a married lesbian couple. She thinks they're both hot, and in various light-hearted conversations, they said they were open to group sex. But were they serious? Should the caller proposition them?  When a woman was 17, she connected with a 24 year-old man, and began a fraught relationship full of sex, drama and sneaking around. She eventually cut things off, convinced that the age difference made it exploitative. He still tries to contact her now and again. How bad was this, and how can she get him out of her head?  This weeks guest is comedian Rachel Feinstein. Her upcoming Netflix comedy special "Big Guy" is not to be missed. Now, let's talk about tea bagging. Sure, you know what it means. But who is the "tea-bagger?" The one with the mouth, or the one with the balls? Unsurprisingly, this conversation raises more questions than it answers.  These two get super-real with each other, spelling out the stories of their first sexual encounters. Dan's first-time story has a detail that ev

For this Sex & Politics, Dan brings back Diana Adams, lawyer and legal advocate for queer and poly communities. Diana is the Executive Director of Chosen Family Law Center, a nonprofit providing free legal representation for low-income LGBTQIA+ families, asylum seekers, and trans communities in NY, and national legislative advocacy for LGBTQIA+, polyamorous, and non-nuclear families. Diana is co-founder of the Polyamory Legal Advocacy Coalition. Their popular TED talk ‘Why US Laws Must Expand Beyond the Nuclear Family’ has been viewed worldwide. Dan and Diana talk about the necessity to gain legal protections for poly folks, separate from the spiritual concept of matrimony. They answer a question from a man considering donating his sperm to an ex. And hear Dan try to score some free legal advice.  This is a short taste for the Micro listeners. To hear the full interview, become one of Dan's Magnum subs at Savage.Love. Find Diana @DianaAdamsEsq