How To Matter

Are you a never go back person or do you like to revisit places you've been before? Well, we've been here before but it's a place worth another listen. Of course, if you don't mind being driven up the wall, it's ok to take a pass on this revisit.

Mental illness is many things. Like physical illness, mental illness can affect anyone and has many forms. The first important point to see is that mental illness is not just one illness but is many illnesses. It will help you to think about it in this way. There is the part of the young person that thinks and understands. You can call this part the child's mind. There is the part that feels happy and sad, frightened and calm, angry and joyful. You can call this part the emotions. Also there is the part that does things and takes action based on what the youngster thinks and feels. You can call this part behavior. What is mental illness? The child's mind, emotions, and behavior normally work together as a team. When children become mentally ill, the three members of the team stop working together. They each start doing their thing and the child cannot get them to start working together again. Some kinds of mental illness affect the mind the most. The youngster is unable to think clearly and understand thin

Sometimes children get so confused about what is going on in their lives and so down on themselves that they can hardly stand it. They may feel like running away or just giving up on themselves. These are awful feelings. They feel afraid, angry, and very upset. They have more stress than they can handle and their self-esteem is very low. They cannot get their thoughts straightened out or figure out their problems. There seems no end to their bad feelings. They believe they have come to the end of the road and don't fit or belong anywhere. Killing themselves seems like their only choice. Looking at these signs that a child may be suicidal will be useful. As you consider the signs, give some thought to how vulnerable foster children are. 32. They have lost an important relationship and can hardly live without it. The first idea to think about is "perception." This is how things seem from the child's point of view. Feeling she cannot live without a relationship is her perception of how she would be without t

The signs here are serious. Each one means the child needs professional help. As his foster parent, you will be asked to join him in his treatment. It is important for him for you to cooperate. Also, you will be given ideas about how to work with him at home. Be sure to follow the suggestions. You will not find specific suggestions here about how to limit or control the child's behavior. For children with serious problems, this takes careful thought and a plan. Also, the plan has to be tailored to the individual child. What works for one child can make another child worse. This needs discussed with the child's caseworker to be sure you have the right plan for your foster child. There are no quick fixes. Thinking about these signs will help you better understand the child and his problems. It also will help you see that, as his foster parent, your main job is to understand, be firm with him, and keep an open and gentle attitude toward him. 23. They do not follow the rules or behave like most children do.

Your foster child's fit with you is not the only relationship she has that needs your help. She has relationships with other people in your family and with children and adults at school. She needs to get along with people in your neighborhood and in your community. Being able to get along with people may have more to do with her future success than anything else. Here is the key. Because of abuse, neglect, or other bad life-experiences, foster children often have problems getting along with people. Maybe this comes up every day and maybe only once in a while. However often your foster child has problems, she needs your help. Here are some signs of foster children having trouble getting along. Your concern and help with these problems are a start to a better life for them. 1. They pout and are hard to live with. All children have some way of handling it when they don't get their way. They have their own ways of reacting when things do not work out as they want. They have ways of dealing with a world they t

Learning is not simple. There are three important areas you need to think about. First, your foster child's abilities are where learning starts. Some children learn easier than others. However easily your foster child learns, he learns some things more easily than other things. Some assignments and subjects are easier and others are harder. Even if he is a very good learner, learning is hard work at times. Next, his attitude is important. Does he want to learn? Is he willing to do what he needs to do to get the job done? It comes down to this. Does he think he is important enough to work at it? Is his future important enough to him to bother learning? Learning takes self-discipline and hard work. It also takes an attitude that says, "I am important enough to do what I have to do." Third, your foster child needs learning skills. Some of these skills help him pay attention and study. Some help him listen and try to understand. Others help him cooperate. Still others help him follow the rules. He also learns a

What is self-esteem? It is who children think they are. You can see it in how they treat themselves. It is there when they feel valued and important. It is missing when they feel unworthy or put themselves down. Self-esteem can be high or low. When children think they are important and valued, their self-esteem is high. When they feel good about themselves, are comfortable with who they are, and like themselves, their self-esteem is high. When they treat themselves with respect and avoid doing things that are not good for them, their self-esteem is high. What is low self-esteem? Children have bad thoughts about themselves. They do not think they are worthwhile people who will be successful. They do not feel good about who they are. This makes them sad and angry. They do not take care of themselves and they do things that are not good for them. Here is the important part. Children have good days and bad days. Sometimes their self-esteem is higher and sometimes lower. It depends on how things are going for t

Stress is usually not much of a problem for children. At times, a little stress is good for them and keeps them sharp. Young people can normally think things through and figure them out for themselves. They can usually handle their feelings whether they are feeling good or not. They can do what they need to do. They have some stress but handle it fine. Children can have more stress than they can handle. Foster children almost always have too much stress. When they do, you see signs their stress is getting to them. Here are some typical signs. 1. They are restless and have trouble calming down. Children can be restless and unable to calm down when they are just full of energy. They are only being very active. It is really hard to sit still, stand still, or be still. Their problem is not stress, it is having to be calm and quiet. School and the dinner table are good examples. The only stress is adults who expect them to quit fooling around. The children are just being children. The adults are the ones with

Being a foster parent can be a delightful and satisfying adventure and will definitely be a difficult challenge that requires your full attention and patience. Even so and if your heart is truly into the adventure, it can be wonderful for both you and your foster child. There are many aspects to being a foster parent; but for now, let's think a while together about a few of the behavior and adjustment concerns that may develop while the child is with you. Your foster child comes to your home with her strong points and special problems. It is hard for any child to adjust to a new family; but for your foster child, it is extra tough. If her past family experiences had been positive and healthy, being her foster parent would be fairly easy. Loving her and giving her a chance to live in your home would be enough. It is sad but true that love and a good home are not enough for her. Your foster child is with you because she (or he) could not stay where she was. Maybe she was abused. She may have been neglected.

In this episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast, you learn everything you need to know about negotiation at home, at work, or wherever you are when the time comes to make a deal. The skills you will develop will facilitate your being more effectively assertive, being a better problem solver, and being a better conflict manager. Developing the skills is sometimes tedious and requires a lot of practice. The payoff is both substantial and positive though. At first, it will be useful to move through the negotiation process in a step-by-step manner. With practice and experience, you will gradually get to a point where effective negotiating is second nature to you and is not something that requires a lot of detailed activity. At first though, it is important to develop a negotiating plan and to seek out opportunities to practice. It is a little like learning to play the piano. Learning how is tedious and time consuming. Being able to play well however, is a very satisfying thing indeed. PRELIMINARY ACTIVITIES

The podcast team reminds us that they have no shortage of advice and no reluctance to share it with us. The bonus is Kevin's delight at the end. It's worth a listen all by itself.

That's it. 3 quick tips. I sure don't need a paragraph to tell you about that.

I have heard that a lot, although those from whom I hear it usually put it as if they are already a real writer. They just haven't found the time to actually write. They say things like, "When I find the time, I'll get around to writing my novel." It's as if they already have a novel in them. They just need to get it written and sent off to the eager publisher who is just waiting for their best seller. Well, good for them. For me and many like me, it's just writing and hoping. Not even so much hoping since writing is too much fun to bother with improbable dreams. Please listen to see if you are cut out to be a real writer.

A short history of politics is a good perspective builder now and then. That's why I return to history and to ideas already considered. I think I keep hoping that the conclusion will change. Maybe this will be the time when reality actually matches what we were all taught in school. It just goes to show us that those history and government books we were required to read were more of a hope than on target learning for the world we actually live in. Go figure.

A while back I nearly went into a full blown rant. Fortunately I avoided the worst of it. It was one of those computer things. I know, I should have upgraded but just didn't find the time. Sure, I'm upgraded now but it was a hard lesson at the time. Maybe my near rant will convince you to quit hanging onto Windows 7.

In this episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast, we revisit a couple of those frustrating types who specialize in driving us up the wall. Their perspective is that it is always about them; and our opinion only counts if it agrees with theirs. You know the type. Listen and be reminded so you never forget.

What's the deal when people disappoint us? Is it finger pointing and blaming time? Maybe so, but then again, maybe not. Either way, it's best to stop and think about just where that finger is pointing.

There is no need for a great intro. I think you will get the point. We keep hoping for better and the game goes on.