Bowie Vs. Dylan

David Bowie: Say there, good chaps and chapettes!  I have a simple, but deceptively profound question to ask of you: Good Chaps and Chapettes: Lay it on us, Bowie. David Bowie: Brilliant!  So here goes- Bob Dylan: Heeeeeeeey, Bob Dylan here, also with a question to ask of everyone. Good Chaps and Chapettes: Hi Bob!  Well, as long as it's an incredible coincidence and the question is the same as David's...we suppose, because we have a ton of stuff to do around the yard today and we're not made of time, you know. David Bowie: Should we just say it together, Bob, on the count of 3? Bob Dylan: Is that on 3, or just after 3? David Bowie: ON 3, man. Bob Dylan: Stop yelling at me. David Bowie and Bob Dylan: 1...2...HOW DEEP ARE THE CUTS? Chaps and Chapettes: Our open wounds or musical tracks? David Bowie: Most of my musical tracks ARE open wounds, metaphorically, well, anyway, we mean music. Bob Dylan: a. DEEEP cuts? David Bowie: b. DEEEEP cuts? Bob Dylan: c. DEEEEEP cuts? David Bowie: Or d. DEEEEEEEE

Jake: I'm back, baby!!!  Ready to again offer some of those patented witticisms that barely make any sense, for this latest episode of this here podcast.  What have you learned from your experience writing them, Chaz? Chaz: I don't know, I'm exhausted from the effort I put in two weeks ago in your stead.   Jake: Anything?   Chaz: Uhhhhhh, small words followed by some big words, followed once again by some smaller ones?  Maybe describe what happens in the episode, but only enough info to tantalize potential new listeners into giving us a shot? Jake: Thanks, professor. Chaz: Bowie invents the internet YET AGAIN by releasing a streaming live album with the absolutely atrocious name of "You'll Have to Listen To Bowie vs. Dylan To Find Out"...dotcom. Jake: Dylan swaggers around the world, huffing that sweet sweet career comeback glue and putting in more than minimal effort to win a frickin' Oscar the following year. Chaz: Bowie himself posts some stuff on his website that I was absolutely a part of when it

Jake:    Charlie: Whoa... Jake usually writes these semi-coherent ramblings, most of which don't really even make sense until after you've already listened to the episode, but it looks like he missed this one so I'm coming in at the last minute to throw something together. Unless, Jake, you want to take over? Jake: Charlie: Okay, well, Bowie released a deuce of sweet VHS tapes covering his 1987 Glass Spider tour that were later released on DVD. And he was involved in modern dance. What about Dylan? Jake:   Charlie: Yeah, so I don't remember much about Dylan on this one... I think he did some pretty crappy stuff? Like a bad album probably? But then he also did The Traveling Wilburys, who were pretty ace so it balances out. I think we talked about making a Traveling Wilburys childrens' book series. It's a humorous portion of the podcast. Jake, any other thoughts?   Jake:   Charlie: You heard it here, folks. Listen in to a podcast that does actually feature both normal hosts, we swear, on the 1988

Jake: Well, here we go with another totally normal, on-point, focused edition of Bowie vs. Dylan!  What do you say, Chaz? Chaz: I'd say that you've already gotten us off track by listing too many adjectives to describe how lean and mean this episode, which is live right now, is going to be.  JAKE. Jake: You're one to talk!  You could have just said "lean", it's clear, but you just HAD to stick a rhyme scheme in that makes your statement neither lean NOR mean. Chaz: Well, according to my calculations, before I even said anything, my Podcast Brevity Algorithm, PBA for short, patent pending, suggested that we were on track for a 61 minute episode, which as we've discussed at length, is unacceptable.  But now that you've RUINED EVERYTHING ALREADY, we might as well delve into as many tangents as humanly possible, I mean, it's only natural. Jake: You know, that reminds me of a time when I thought I was on a tangent, but I was actually talking about what I meant to talk about.  The year was 2009 and I had just a

The myriad choices for your preferred Super Deluxe Edition of this Bowie vs. Dylan Podcast 2014 have arrived by magic horseback, delivered by hand, by Bob Dylan and David Bowie!  Aren't you thrilled?  Check out all the special deviations and features, and pick your favorite to own, or your most favorite favorite, since you'll for sure want them all: 7 CDs, 14 LPs, 1 DVDs: Bowie looks suave as H, making you slightly uncomfortable to show the 70 page booklet of Hot Granddad Bowie photos to your Granddaughter.  Dylan looks like his Vincent Price mustache has been poorly CGI'd right off his ancient yet eerily smooth face, making you equally uncomfortable in a totally different way to show the photos to your Granddaughter or anyone else really.  Cost: $85 1 CDs, 1 LP, 14 DVDs: Whoops, we had found even MORE hand-written lyrics from Dylan's Basement Tapes years, and accidentally included the originals in this boxset.  Those are practically priceless.  Please send this one back!  Cost: Priceless 0 CDs, 22 LPs, 0

Dye your horsehair red, dolled-up dogies, and join us for an olden yet futuristic romp with David Bowie and Bob Dylan through the year 1973!  Meet your cast of characters: David Bowie: I'm one of the biggest stars in the universe.  Or STARdusts, IF you know what I mean! Bob Dylan: Heeeey, me too!  Except substitute the space metaphors for old west ones.  Literally everyone on earth knows who I am in 1973, whether I like it or not, which I definitely don't. Sam Peckinpah: I don't know who you are.  Who is this kid?  I mean, who is this Billy the Kid? Kris Kristofferson: Sammy...what?  It's my good friend Bobby!  Ever since I swept up his commemorative one millionth cigarette butt in 1966, I've found him to be the most magnetic acting presence anyone's ever done laid eyes on! Sam Peckinpah: That's patently untrue.  But...as a young, hungry, up-and-coming musician, I guess he might have a future? ColumBS Records Executives: Well, he did, Sam, he really did, he used to, we guess, until he disappointed us de

Setting: Circuit City brand electronics store, circa 2006. Bob Dylan fan #1: Heeeey.  I'm looking for that sweet new Bob Dylan long-playing music album, my brother, where can I find it? Lone Circuit City Employee #1: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhhhh- Bob Dylan Fan #1: Don't hurt yourself, friend, I'll just look...over...here, next to the....other consumer electronic merchandise?  Which, now that you mention it, appears...barren? David Bowie Fan #1: I can relate!  Bowie might as well change his name to David BARREN for all the new albums he's been putting out lately, amiright?  It appears that he's in the middle of some unexpected hiatus, a vacation, a Bowie Breather?  A Bowie Break? A Bowliday?  Maybe we should do this using his first name, but I just can't seem to get it, oh well, it will never be named by anyone ever. Bob Dylan Fan #1: I'm just looking for Dylan's new album, it went #1 in 47 countries, it's tots controversial?  It's called Modern Times?  Anyone? Lone Circuit City Employee #1: (drooling) In

Welcome to the 40th Annual Retrospective Spectacular of the 22nd Annual Grammy Awards !!! Here's your host, Kenny Rogers: Kenny Rogers: Honestly, looking back, what a cluster this was.  Why are we having another retrospective of the 1980 Grammy Awards?  I think at this point you just gotta know when to fold em'.   Bob Dylan: Heeeey, what did I win?  I mean, what did Jesus win? Grammy Award for Best Rock Vocal Performance, Male: Me! You won me!  Or am I Best Rock Performance, Solo, or was it Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance, or...WHO THE HECK AM I, anyway, this is a heckuva time to have an identity crisis, this was supposed to be my night! Best Disco Recording: Me, I can't WAIT to be back next year, and the year after that, and until the end of time or recorded music, whichever comes first.  What a time to be alive and to always be a part of the Grammy's forever! David Bowie: Erm...did I win anything? Jake and Charlie: This podcast episode, Bowie.  You handily won this episode, on this 1980 edition of Bo

Welcome to the 52nd Anniversary Concert Celebration of Bowie vs. Dylan!!!  With your host, David Bowie!!!!! David Bowie: Thanks so much, you're all so lovely!  Well, this is grand, isn't it?  It's just me and Bob Dylan, together at last for a special tribute to- Backstage Lackey #1: (rushes over discreetly and whispers in Bowie's ear, for, like, a while.) David Bowie: Well, folks, it seems there's been a misunderstanding, I've NOT been invited to perform at long last with Bob and fulfill the secret prophecy of most of the world's religions. (long uncomfortable pause) I'm just here to lend my wonderfully rich voice and presence to the proceedings.  It seems no-one, not even my record label, will release me singing or playing anything at all.  Just me in tuxedo attire and speaking soothingly as if I was a particular form of sleep aid.  Say...that gives me an idea!  But anyway, if I wasn't invited to sing, then I guess no-one was. John Mellencamp, Stevie Wonder, Lou Reed, Eddie Vedder, Tracy Chapman, Johnny

Setting: The year 1968, A 4th-rate comedy club called "LAFFS!!!", late at night (or early in the morning), quiet and mostly deserted, and not because of social distancing orders. Emcee: Ladies and germs, our next act needs no introduction, he's mop-topped and just flew in from England, you know the rest, it's...DAVID JONES! (light applause) David Jones: Erm, it's actually David BOWIE now. Emcee: Whatever, say it don't spray it, man. David Bowie: I just flew in from England, and boy, are my arms tired! (crickets chirping) Emcee: Good one!  I hate to cut into your explosive set here, bub, but let's get this over with, don't you have a special guest or something you'd like to bring on, or something? David Bowie: Right, here he is from Woodstock, NY, USA, it's...Bob Dylan!!! Bob Dylan: (talking in a strange half-croon, half-nasal whine) I just flew in from Woodstock, and boy are my arms tired! (half the crickets roaring in approval over nothing, half the crickets yelling "Judas!") David Bowie and Bob Dyla

It's that very special time of life again, dear listeners!  A round-number anniversary.  50 episodes, can that be right?  Counting down our personal and professional opinions on the very best covers that any artist ever did of Bowie and Dylan songs?   Boy, it seems like it's been, what?  9, 10, episodes since we here at Bowie vs. Dylan last celebrated a milestone?  I mean, besides all the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in any given year, that is, that's always a reason for excitement.  Gosh...looking at the old calendar, it seems that we don't have many left before we run out of them, huh? REALLY makes it hit home when we say it like that, though, doesn't it?  Geez, now it's getting a little misty in here, must be our allergies, or all that quarantine dust in the air, it's thick, boy, now we’re really sobbing, so many non-emotionally-related eye irritants, it's getting hard for us to type, yep, we better take a break. We're back, baby!  And don't we feel better; a little time away from som

What follows is a basic synopsis of this podcast: Welcome to Bowie vs Dylan, special 2011 edition! Where literally nothing happens, except some stuff that happened in 2010.   Bowie is invisible; Dylan is touring the world.  David is hanging out in his sweatpants at home (picture not included); Bob is transcendent in his wide brim flat top hat.   Both look (and presumably feel) pretty darned snazzy, on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan! What follows has been nimbly and professionally translated from English to Arabic to English to Japanese to English to Latin to English to Norwegian and back to English for our very special fans who share that particular heritage:  Bowie, our Perkins 2011 Hello! Literally, it's nothing but the 2010 items. I don't see Bowie. Saint is the largest in the world. At the gym, David had his own suit (not including pictures). Wide flat shoes, Bob has a hard top and is slow to anger, This version of Saint-style Bowie sees (and feels) us!

Welcome to this live broadcast from the 33rd Annual GRAMMY AWARDS, hosted by Arsenio Hall! Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads) Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Arsenio Hall: Guys, that's enough, even I'm sick of that bit, kind of like David Bowie and Tin Machine, amiright?! Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads): Boo boo boo boo boo boo! Arsenio Hall: Or what's the deal with Bob Dylan's shattered love life, flatlining album sales, flagging cultural relevance, and obvious but functional alcoholism?  What a card, AMIRIGHT!?!? Audience: (pumping fists in a medium-tight circular motion near their heads whilst softly crying): Boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo. Arsenio Hall: Let's get right to it, with some awards, and in the interest of time and frankly, my sanity, there's one winner for the following 18 awards: Best Rap Album, Best R+B Album, Best Rap Song, Best R+B Song, Best Music Video Long Form, Best Hammer Pants, Best Dope Haircut, Best Life,

Setting: Reality, 2003. Corrected Setting: A Reality, 2003. Jack Fate (an elderly washed-up rock prophet who in no way resembles Bob Dylan): The future lies not in the past, but in the past, where there is no future and only then can we know the present presently. Jon Bon Jovi (a hot as H Dad who in no way had his haircut ganked by David Bowie): It's my life!!! John Goodman, Jeff Bridges, Penelope Cruz, Jessica Lange, Angela Bassett, Bruce Dern, Ed Harris, Val Kilmer, Cheech Marin, Mickey Rourke, Christian Slater (in unison): Oh God, what have I done? Luke Wilson: Oh God, what have-actually, this seems about right for me. David Bowie (realizing that Jon Bon Jovi is coming after him, you know, to get his hair back): Uhhhhhh, maybe you could be distracted if I did a right strip tease? 52-Year-Old Female and Male Fans (in unison): YES! Bob Dylan (reading from a scrap of paper): Sometimes it's not enough to know the meaning of things, sometimes we have to know what things don't mean as well. Forrest Gump

Setting: A lavish grand room with a fire burning, but not fro hot as to melt the rich mafrogany. Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1: Froh helfro.  There's been a knock on my froor. Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #2: Haha!   Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1: Do you happen to be the butler? The milkman? Frogurt saleswoman? The rubbish collector? Packet delivery gentleman? The maid? My wife? The fire froker? Saint Nifrolas?  Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #2: Haha!  That's high fromedy.  Or wait, you truly fron't frow?  I'm...(whispers) David Frowie. Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1: HaHAAAAAA. Ha!  I frow, friend.  I thought you knew this was a...(whispers) TV frow.  I'm Bing Frosby, but you fron't see me froing on about it. Disheveled Yacht Froat Denizen: (bursting in to wild applause) Heeeeeeey.  What do you frow, fros?  Catchphrase, catchphrose...catchfrose!!! Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1 and #2: Froh, you!  It's Frob Dylan, and he's on a froat!   Oddly Fromal Pale White Crooner #1 and #2

2020: (a fresh little baby, whistling a jaunty tune) Oh man, am I pumped!  Who else just got born?  Anyone?  2019: (a sagged old man, snorting a cynical dirge) What are you so pleased with yourself about? 2020: The freshness and anticipation of new life, wise elder!  Say, you look like you're just chock full of wisdom, or wait...what IS that? 2019: Oh, this?  It's the incredibly heavy burden of a full year's worth of human suffering, longing, troubles, and yes...unfiltered joy.  It's our sacred duty as years to accumulate and carry it, to bear up under it with all of the strength and perseverance we can muster.  It's what you have to look forward to, young baby. 2020: No, not that...THAT.  It looks suspiciously like Bob Dylan, Martin Scorsese, Mick Ronson, Joan Baez, KISS, and Sharon Stone in a pseudo-documentary followed by a 14 disc super deluxe box set of the Rolling Thunder Revue that should have maybe been a Bootleg Series followed by a much smaller Bootleg Series that was actually a Bootleg Series.

Happy New Year! We here at Bowie vs. Dylan would like to celebrate the arrival of 2020 with a completely relevant and forward-thinking conversation about the distant past, in this case 45 years past, related to the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 1975.  This makes perfect sense to we here, and we here hope that it makes sense to you, too, dear listeners, because if you expected a year-end/year-beginning wrap-up/dress-down, you'll be sorely mistaken.  We here know that you there expect the latest-developing and hardest-hitting news from the respective camps of our latest musicians, and we know you expect it NOW.  But you there will just have to wait 2 weeks, until the 15th of January, 2020, just as the good Lord intended when He proclaimed that the format for our podcast would be thus, on the 10th Day I think it was (?), and so take it up with Him and slog it out with the 1975 podcast instead.   It's actually quite the battle on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Jake: Well, time to record a new podcast for all of our fans, focusing exclusively on David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year 1984. Chaz: I guess?  We did just make a whole boatload of money doing nothing but singing last episode while Niles Rodgers did literally everything but sing.  Should we run it back and keep doing nothing and stack some cash stacks? Jake: Now you're talking! And I've got just the guy to help us out.  Get this, his name is Mick. Chaz: Ronson?  Jake: We wish. Chaz: Rock? Jake: Not quite. Chaz: Woodsmonsonson? Jake: You mean Mick?  But no. Chaz: Jagger? Jake: Anything but that. Chaz: I'm stumped.  Even though there's 7,280 Micks left to guess from British rock bands of the 60's and 70's. Jake: Taylor, it's Mick Taylor!  From the Rolling Stones?  Here, let me tell his- Mick Taylor: (interrupting with a tasty but inappropriately ripping guitar solo, on this 1984 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan)

Bowie vs. Dylan CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE #42 Page 1:  David Bowie and Bob Dylan embark on a grand tour of the year 2008.  Choose which approach, euphemistically speaking, that they take to find out what happens next; try and imagine what both entirely different artists would feel during this year collectively, that is, as a combined force although they barely ever met and didn't know one another at all. A.) A pensive yet flippant attitude of worthwhile nothingness and paternal obligations (page 38) B.) Hopeful yet immediately regretful of some vague notion of change (page 65) C.) Combing one's hair in that classic style (page 101) D.) Neverendingly touring (page 3,072).   FLIP TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! Page 38: Both artists, together, perhaps arm in arm, wander near a tiger pit and accidentally fall in. Both die.  Begin at page 1. Page 65: Bowie approaches an evil mastermind in his technologically advanced lair, smiling all the while as a show of good faith towards the villain, while Dylan covers hi

Scene: Inside the gameplay of a state-of-the-art, immersive virtual reality experience available on 7 CD-ROMs, particularly the 4th CD in the series of 7. Bob Dylan: Hey fans.  Come along on an epic virtual journey with me, Bob Dylan, by watching this grainy, pixelated music video from 1986, available to view when you enter the door of 1961-era Cafe Wha? David Bowie: NOT DARK ENOUGH, man.  Where, for example, are the gutted pigs, the shaved heads, the too-long trench coats, over-saturated color pallet? Bob Dylan: What?  Are those words that you just said?  I can only assume that it has something to do with this archival photo of me, Bob Dylan, at Columbia Records Studios circa 1962 waiting for you in a dirty bathroom in Greenwich Village? David Bowie: OOOOOOH, that does sound goth.  Goth is really in right now, says my best friend Trent Reznor.  Trent, come on over and play this game with me, it's really goth, man, really goth.   Trent Reznor: You know, I would?  But I've got a date with Marilyn Manson t