The Tom Barnard Show

The midwest is a lot like Minesweeper. Hit the wrong (or perhaps right) space and your accent goes all over the place. Chicago is one of those spaces. But enough about that, let's talk about The Godfather for the first time ever.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you're upset that your heroes don't respond to your messages, don't take it personally. We probably don't even know they exist. It may be a side effect of being Supernormal, which in Tom's case means having a crazy dad. Note: that description may not reflect Meg's opinion.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tom hates cop. Not cops, just the one cop. It's probably not a good idea to taunt the cop who gave you a ticket, but he's doing it anyway. It's also probably not a good idea to bring back Ewoks. I mean Not Ewoks.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Step into the Amethyst Realm with the Tom Barnard Show. Oh wait, it's not a place, it's someone's name. Someone crazy. Instead let's talk about Christmas some more. $500,000 Salvation Army donations are nice. The war on Christmas is less nice, though it depends largely on which side you're on, assuming you take a side at all.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you want to be a multimillionaire, have a kid six years ago and put him on Youtube. It's difficult, but it's guaranteed to work. If you want to lose a million dollars, get very angry while you're recording an ad. Angry and/or drunk.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Skip the cookies and leave Santa a plate of The Best of. Clips Featuring: Mo Alexander, Doug Sprinthall, and Jonathan ScottSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Everyone's talking about the new tax plan. Not everyone sees it as a good thing. That may be an understatement. One person we know for sure doesn't like it is Mike. Meanwhile Roy Moore wants to go back in time to the early 19th century.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You'd think that being very tall and very muscular would prevent being sexually assaulted, but according to Terry Crews that is not the case. We didn't ask Henry or Charlie about their victim status, instead opting for the latest media projects they're involved in. It's probably a good thing.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever fallen asleep while driving, or been close to it? Statistically it's fairly likely. As you might imagine, falling asleep at the wheel is bad for your health, so instead buy a can of Alert Drops, which essentially use lemon juice to give you an adrenaline rush. It's science!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's nothing better than catching crawdads and driving your four wheeler through the mud. If you're a southerner, at least. If you're from the north you use your vehicle to drive over hookers. Don't worry, they're not real hookers.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that having a pet makes you live longer? The studies speak for themselves. And since laughter is the best medicine, being Jewish should also make you live longer. We don't have the statistics there, but consider how many old Jewish people there are.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tom's trying to overdose on supplements, so we pool our knowledge of pharmaceuticals to figure out a solution. Once that issue is resolved, Tom leaves to adjust his prescription which gives Nik ample time to plug his new bar. Also, Doug had been kidnapped once apparently.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Until recently, Kim was an anchor for KARE 11. It came as a surprise, but not having to wake up at 2 AM to be on TV turned out to not be the worst thing in the world, for a number of reasons.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

While Jerry Seinfeld is drinking fancy coffee, Stephen is traveling the country drinking regular coffee and talking to regular people. We're more connected yet less unified than ever before. Or are we? On the Great American Pilgrimage we find out what America is like without Twitter there to ruin everything.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As all Germans know, it's Krampus Day, the day when bad children get what's coming to them. Jeff doesn't sound German, but he knows enough about Krampus to indicate that he's probably just pretending.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's finally happened. Winter has officially arrived, and only 16 days early this time. And, like magic, it's also the day when everyone suddenly thinks the world is going to end. I think there's a term for that.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The American revolution happened long enough ago that very few remember it. A number so low that it's zero. This is why human civilization invented writing so many times: books tend to stay around awhile. Books written by Washington, Kayehwahkeh, Margaret Coghlan, and other such individuals who had some firsthand experience with 1776 plus or minus a few years.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Turns out Saint Nick is Greek, which makes Costaki the least jolly Greek on the show today after a certain team lost to a certain other team. He's not yet despondent enough to steal copper to sell though.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tommy Wiseau is a walking mystery. One of the few things most people seem confident about is that he's from an eastern European country, much like some of our hosts. Could it be that Czechs are genetically predisposed to accidental success?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tis the season for The Best Of. Here is a perfect episode to get you in the right mindset to battle the shopping crowds.Clips Featuring: Sam Morril, Andrew Shaffer, Todd BridgesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices