Unspoiled! The Constant: Lost

We discuss Kate and the reveal that Aaron is one of the Oceanic Six in the episode with the stupidest title in the entire series. Did Kate kidnap Aaron? What happened to Claire? Is Krista right about Jack knowing that Aaron is his nephew, and that's why he doesn't want to see him? Back on the Island, Kate uses Sawyer to enact a pretty impressive con to get Miles to tell her what the outside world knows about her. Locke is less than pleased about Kate going against his wishes, and since he's a dictator now, he tells her she has to leave the barracks. Neither of us are very pleased with Locke right now.

On the Island, Sayid makes the choice to trade one human for another in order to get into Lapidus's helicopter and see what's happening on that boat. In the Flash Forward, he makes the choice to as an assassin FOR BEN, which ends with a bullet to the gut of another pretty blonde girl he's been sleeping with. Meanwhile, Daniel does an experiment where a rocket is sent from the boat to the Island, only it takes an extra 31 minutes to show up after the boat says it should have. Timey wimey wibbly wobbly...stuff.

And so we meet Daniel Faraday, a physicist seemingly with a good heart and good intentions; Miles Straume, a sarcastic man with the gift of talking to dead people; Charlotte Staples-Lewis, an archaeologist with some interest in the Dharma Initiative; and Frank Lapidus, a damn good pilot (when he's sober). They're here to rescue the survivors of Flight 815...but really they're here because of Ben Linus. Because OF COURSE it has to do with Ben.

Who are the Oceanic Six? Who is Matthew Abbadon? When will Jack actually listen to Kate? Why is Christian in The Cabin (aka Maggie's Cabin)? Why is Hurley seeing hot, dead Charlie? All these questions and more are asked as we cannonball into Season 4. Buckle in, guys. Things are about to set a precedent of weirdness.

It's the moment we've all been waiting for: WE HAVE TO GO BACK, KATE! WE HAVE TO GO BAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Oh, and Charlie dies.

Charlie reflects on the five best moments of his life - his greatest hits - and they're sweet, and moving, and tears may have been shed. As Sayid and Jack come up with a plan to get the castaways rescued by Naomi's boat, and to take out some Others in the process, Charlie and Desmond head for The Looking Glass station to stop the signal jammer...and fulfill a prophesy. I am not ok.

Frequent guest and fellow Unspoiled co-host Maggie joins us to discuss Ben. And Richard. Mostly Richard. But also that little lying liar Ben, who was NOT born on The Island, and is actually a murdering usurper. Was Krista satisfied now that she's gotten the Ben episode she's been asking for? Has Jaime gone back to not considering Kate her favorite? Will Jack ever shut the fuck up? Listen and see!

Ben tells Locke that he has to kill his father in order to really become One Of Them. Locke can't do it, but Richard gives him an alternative solution. So, Locke gets Sawyer to do his dirty work for him. No one is sad to see this piece of shit go. On the beach, our "campers" are tending to an injured Naomi and Charlie thinks they should get Jack to help because, well, he's a doctor. Desmond speaks for all of us in suggesting that Jack isn't so trustworthy of late, but there is another option: Sayid. Always choose Sayid, people! This leads to some minor interrogation between torturer and parachutist, and ends with her handing over her satellite phone. But then Kate is let in on the secret and immediately tells Jack what's up. Dammit, Kate!

We get more evidence that if Jin and Sun just talked to each other instead of always lying, they'd be much better off. We also get evidence that their baby is theirs, was conceived on the Island, and what that means for Sun and the baby.

Desmond has a flash of a parachutist, the wire into the ocean, and Charlie being speared in the throat, so he of course takes three unsuspecting companions on a "camping trip" to put all of these pieces together. They find the wire, they make their way through the jungle, Charlie escapes death, and a woman with a picture of Desmond and Penny tucked into her Portuguese copy of Catch-22 falls from the sky after bailing out of a crashing helicopter. Who's helicopter? And why does she know who Desmond is?Fair warning: we have spoilers in here for The Justice League, Game of Thrones seasons 6 and 7, and the most recent season of The Walking Dead. Oh, and I accidentally spoil Krista on something because I thought it happened in this episode. It's not a huge spoiler, don't worry. But also don't yell at me.

Jack says that Juliet is One of Us. Everyone else thinks she's One of Them. Juliet isn't saying either way, but we know she's on some secret mission dictated by Ben, who has manipulated her into staying on the Island for three years when she knew after six months that she wasn't any use to their fertility issues. So, who's right? Which side is Juliet really on?

In what many people will recall as the episode where Kate and Juliet are handcuffed together, we were more interested in Kate and Cassidy meeting and being friends. There's also a bit of psychoanalysis as we talk out why this episode struck such a chord with me. Krista is a good on-the-spot therapist. We also very much enjoyed Hurley conning Sawyer into being a nice guy, and a leader.

Unscrupled Buffy co-host Money joins us to discuss Nikki and Paolo's swan song...not that they had much of an introduction when it all comes down to it. We compare this episode to Clue, Buffy's "The Zeppo," and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, which should tell you that all three of us really enjoyed the episode. If only Nikki and Paolo had been this interesting the whole time.

We are joined by fellow Unspoiled host Maggie to discuss why Locke is so selfish, whether his dad is the worst of the Bad Dads, what we like about Ben Linus, with brief forays into Jack and Kate, Richard Alpert's eyelashes, and as always: the fact that everyone should just listen to Sayid. So tell us, is Ben Linus the best villain ever? Did you expect Anthony Cooper to be in the Magic Box? And how much is Jack going to bray at Locke for blowing up that submarine?

The secret is out! Claire's dad is also Jack's dad! Sooo soapy. She takes learning that Christian Shepherd is her father about as well and any of us would, because he sucks. On the Island, Claire has the smart idea after seeing some migrating sea birds to catch one and attach a letter to its tracker so they can maybe be rescued. She doesn't understand why Charlie seems against this, but later Desmond actually tells her the truth: he's having visions of Charlie's death and has been trying to save him over and over. Guys...is Charlie going to die? [insert 10,000 crying emojis]

We learn more about Sayid's torturer days in this week's flashback. Guess there some women he was willing to torture, just not Nadia. His victim, Amira, has more mercy on him than he probably deserves.On the Island, Sayid, Kate, and Locke come across a cabin inhabited by Mikhail, the guy with the eyepatch from earlier in the season. Mikhail is a liar, and an Other, and they take him prisoner. Sayid has a plan for what to use him for but Locke has plans of his own - like blowing up the cabin, which just happened to be the one way to communicate off the Island.

After last week, this episode was a joy for us to watch, and discuss. It's a good Hurley story, with a healthy dose of hilarious male bonding, and very little to take away from the fun. Plus: Vincent! We meet Hurley's dad, played by Cheech Marin (the newest member of the Lost Bad Dad Club), and it really makes us appreciate Hurley as a person more. This is a guy who was abandoned by his dad and yet he never let that define him. There is no whining from this guy about any of that. He just went on to be a sweet, thoughtful, caring guy...who happens to be cursed by some crazy numbers. We only wish his mother didn't shine in such a bad light in this episode, but otherwise, we loved it.

We made it, you guys. We watched, we discussed, we conquered this terrible episode. Everyone who's watched Lost knows this is the worst episode of the entire series, and many of us have been waiting to see what Krista would think of it. She did not disappoint. She also didn't threaten to quit, which is a relief.  So. In this episode we have some interesting Other Island stuff with Juliet being put on some kind of trial for killing Pickett, and Jack deciding whether or not to help her, and Ben. Three guesses where he lands, and the first two don't count. Meanwhile, the escapees make their way back to The Island, and Sawyer shows his squishy heart in giving Karl some advice.  If you want to hear what we have to say about the flashbacks, well, press play.

We learn what's going on with Desmond since the Hatch Explosion and it's sort of what Krista was thinking: he's seeing the future. But it's Charlie's future, and the outlook's not good. He also flashed into his own consciousness in 1996 when he was moving in with Penny and hoping to marry her. He meets a mysterious lady, has weird memories of The Island, and throws it all away as he's...destined to do?

We are joined by Unspoiled Twin Peaks co-host Maggie to discuss Juliet... and to gush about Richard Alpert. He's really pretty, guys. Juliet and Jack are both frustrating in this episode because they could have just let Ben die and I don't know...take over themselves? We'll never know because Ben strikes a deal with Juliet that she seems to think he'll keep, and convinces Jack to complete the surgery in exchange for letting Kate and Sawyer go.Kate and Sawyer, meanwhile, are helped by Alex, who ropes them in to saving her boyfriend from the brainwashing unit, and they get on a boat and head back to their island. We pose a question of whether there is a more manipulative character in all of television, movies, or books than Ben Linus. Please let us know if you can think of one, because we couldn't.