Betch Slapped

Jordana and Aleen start off talking about the latest ep of RHONY. After they move onto Handmaid's Tale, a show where everyone thinks that every episode is the last episode. They talk about stepping out of the dramatic scenes and imagining what it was like to act in it, a skill Aleen developed while high. At 13:26, they move onto trending "big dick energy" and of course, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson. It's theorized that Pete has BDE. At 21:04, they take a letter from a listener whose 10th year high school reunion is right around the corner. She's worried about a run-in with an ex-bestie; they have a lot of unfinished business. At 26:31, they take another letter from a girl planning to live with her boyfriend. The problem is they spent a summer together and she's constantly nagging him about his mess. They wrap up on some games including would you rather: date a guy with a micropenis or a guy who wears floaties into every body of water (including a shower and bathtub). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

Aleen and Sami talk about the mentality of Ariana Grande's obsessed BF, Pete Davidson. They estimate how long the relationship will last and who will break up with who. Sami claims that "comedians are most likely to get divorces" They move into Game of Thrones which is not Sami's expertise. Aleen says she knows GoT history more than real history. They talk about Succession afterward, which they love. Then they talk about the crazy Jersey Shore drama. At 14:43, they take a letter from a listener asking about keeping their last name after getting married. The thing is- she wants her boyfriend to take her last name too. At 19:38 they wrap up on some games including: shoot, party, and BFF with Cardi B, Ariana Grande, and Countess Lou Ann. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Aleen talk about Jared and Ashley I’s engagement. At 11:50, they move onto Real Housewives of New York. They have a lot to say about Tinsley. At 18:05, they take a letter from a listener asking about potentially encroaching on her boyfriend’s turf as she tries to work at the law firm he does. At 22:30, they take another letter from an employee who is considering a different job but whose employer covered her education costs. They wrap up playing games including shoot, fuck, marry: Jared Haibon, Jax Taylor, and Nick Viall. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen and Sami talk about Jax and Brittany getting engaged. There seems to be a gross over-emphasis on the size of their ring. At 6:36, they move on to an even higher profile engagement, Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. Could it be a PR stunt? Nobody knows. At 18:53, they take an email from a listener struggling to get a job; she gets to the last round, but she can't close the deal. What's the problem? At 24:40, they take another letter from a listener asking how to deal with adult friendships. She's annoyed with her unambitious friends - what now? At 31:35, they move onto some games including would you rather have: a mom who is obsessed with your horoscope, or a mom who is obsessed with you keeping your bedtime. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Jordana talk the weather and weekend plans. They briefly discuss the tragic Kate Spade news before moving onto Scott Disick & Sofia Richie, Alec & Hilaria Baldwin, and Selena & Justin (the only couple they're rooting for). Sami shares her theory behind why we stalk certain people on Instagram and why we get invested in certain celebs so much. Jordana accidentally calls Sami "babe" and feels extremely embarrassed. At 18:30, they take a letter from a listener who unfriended a girl who bullied her. At 24:02, they take another letter asking for career advice from a recent college graduate who can't find a job. Compounding things, her boyfriend works in the same field and they are competing for the same sorts of jobs. After, they play some games including Shoot, Fuck, Marry: Scott Disick, The Weekend, Alec Baldwin. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Sami talk about Khloe Kardashian and judging reality stars. Does dealing with criticism come with the territory or do reality stars have a right to say, “f*ck off”? Can you be a reality celeb and refuse to take the negativity that inevitably comes with a lot of attention? At 17:05, they take a letter from a listener asking how to deal with a roommate’s boyfriend she hates (and who objectively sucks). At 24:15, another listener asks about how to deal with a boyfriend who drunkenly said she has no hobbies or interests beside him. Where can this relationship go now? They wrap up with some games including Would you rather: walk in on your parents having sex or have them walk in on you having sex? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen and Jordana get together after a long hiatus of podcasting with each other. They talk about the Royal Wedding and how it cost around ~$40 million. At 16 minutes in, they start talking about Vanderpump Rules. At 21:19, they take a letter from a listener who's having issuing with their boyfriend who gets extremely annoying when drunk. It keeps happening. How does she make it stop? At 27:30, they take a second letter from someone who's sick of their co-worker getting preferential treatment. At 34:56, they play a couple of games including "would you rather attend the Royal Wedding or attend a Mumford & Sons concert"? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's a beautiful day in NYC. Sami and Jordana talk about the Markle debacle, a dysfunctional family drama of royal proportions. At 16:27, they move on to Met Gala drama. At 17:06, they play a new game called, "What's the deal with?" about Jennifer Aniston. Angelina Jolie is clearly image-obsessed. Sami can't decide whether she'd marry Angie or Jennifer. At 22:50, they take an email from a listener who still has friendly yearnings for an ex who blocked her. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Aleen and Sami discuss the Met Gala and detail the best looking, most on point with the theme and more. Neither of them are sure how to pronounce SZA. At 13:21, they move on to Vanderpump Rules. At 24:20, they take a letter from a listener with a tumultuous friendship who uses her as a therapist. The worst part: she can't seem to take any of the advice that's given. After they take another letter from a girl whose ex-roommate attends the same school as her. Things get complicated after she started dating ex-roomie's cousin. Even worse, this is one once roommate with a serious propensity for negativity and sh*t talking. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After briefly plugging every Betches podcast, Jordana and Aleen talk about Vanderpump Rules and reality TV. Jordana points out that if you're going to be on it, don't act like you're above it. The finale of Vanderpump happened last night. They agree that the Tom Tom plot line was awful. At 6:21, they briefly discuss Sweetbitter, a new show on Starz debuting this Sunday, May 6th. At 10:34, they move onto The Handmaid's Tale. Then at 12:30, there's some RHONY talk. They take a letter from a listener at 16;12 regarding a girl's friends who keep getting mad at her when she hooks up with a particular guy. Another listener is worrying she talks to her old friends too much via group chat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Jordana mourn the death of Avicii who defined their college years, along with Blackberry. After they briefly discuss the Royal Baby. At 6:38, they begin a brief journey to Bravo land, starting with RHONY. At 15:32, they move on to I Feel Pretty and a discussion of the culture around women's bodies and body positivity. After they plug Diet Starts Tomorrow, the Betches' new podcast about food and wellness. They take a letter from a listener who's been ghosted by her friend after a 4 day bender together in Mexico that went awry. Another listener has qualms with a roommate whose parents pay her rent and is now a life/fitness coach on Insta. This episode was brought to you in partnership with Three Olives Vodka. Enjoy Responsibly. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Aleen just returned from Coachella. They mostly tanned, drank Three Olives Rosé vodka, and in Sami's case "pounded" bread. Aleen has but one Coachella "ragret", missing Queen Bey. They talk about the act everyone in Indio saw this weekend: people taking thousands of selfies. At 15:04, they move off Coachella into Vanderpump. At 18:38, they move on to Khloe's new baby and the drama with Tristan. Why can't Khloe pick a decent dude? Finally, they take a couple letters from listeners, the final one asking about when to have "the kids talk" with a potential partner. This episode was brought to you in partnership with Three Olives Vodka. Enjoy Responsibly. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Aleen talk Real Housewives of New York. Jordana recently binge-watched all 10 seasons. After, they talk about Jersey Shore: Family Reunion. They talk about reality TV for awhile and then take a letter from a listener seeking career advice. She's moving to a different city and isn't sure how to break up with her company. A second letter comes from a "relationship virgin" who asks how she should broach talking to her boyfriend about marriage and kids. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After briefly discussing the weather, Sami and Jordana talk about Vanderpump Rules and offensive jokes (Vanderpump talk ends at 18:45). After, they move on to The Weeknd and how his new album references how he almost gave Selena Gomez a kidney. Sami says that it's obvious her heart is still with the Biebs (whose isn't tho?). After they take a letter from a listener asking about a new boyfriend who keeps talking to his ex. They wrap up answering a would you rather involving a guy you've been dating three weeks: donate a kidney or have his baby. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Aleen are in amazing moods and they start off discussing Aleen’s new dog, a golden doodle. Sami reassures Aleen that it’s difficult to fuck up a dog compared to a kid - as long as you don’t let her watch Vanderpump. They discuss the latest episode and Scheana’s tendency to be overly communicative on vacay. After, they hate on the “money plot” aspects; it’s tough to feel like it’s “reality” when we know that Jax makes $30,000 an ep. They discuss the culture of Venmo and how it’s transformed how we relate to our friends owing us money and exposes people who are cheap. Finally, they take a few letters, including one where a listener’s boyfriend’s sister owes her money. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After talking about Vanderpump Rules until 10:43, Jordana and Aleen move on to Evan Spiegel. Snapchat may or may not be on its way out, but they agree that girls have conquered it. They take a letter from a married listener who just moved in with her husband and is having some issues. Husband wants to get a house in the 'burbs, but she wants to be the fun couple living in the in the chic West LA apartment. Another listener, Ms. 'Bros Before This Betch' asks why guys break plans with girls so often? They end the pod with the would you rather question of the century: would you rather get shat on by a bird or receive a particularly disturbing dick pic. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Sami start off talking Vanderpump Rules. Did Scheana finally wake up to reality? Do Jax and Brittany really love each other? After, they move on to Instagram Stories. Jordana points out that Stories offer a unique platform for when you feel like you're proud of a moment, but not proud enough to make it permanent. Sami quips that they're special because the engagement is between "you and your DMs." They discuss the sincerity and earnestness of the Insta Story. Sure, some of it is real, but some of it is puffery. What's definitely real is that Sami is afraid of Jordana's judgment. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Aleen are joined by Thoroughbreds writer/director Cory Finley and lead actress Anya Taylor-Joy. The film tells the story of two girls who are dark and funny, much like the Betches. Unlike the Betches, this the story of two girls with a penchant for murder. After talking about the movie, the four discuss everyone’s propensity to overthink and obsess over what others think of us (they don’t). Finally, the actress and director face some “Would You Rather questions” involving theater behavior such as dating a person who cries at every movie they see. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sami and Jordana briefly mention the latest episode of Vanderpump Rules and then move into a discussion about adult friendship. Sure, we all have friends as adults, but why was it so much easier when we were in high school and college? They discuss the nature of these old friendships in adulthood. It's the difference between the friends you want to have dinner alone with and those who you begin to "consciously uncouple" from AKA the losers you're trying to lose. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jordana and Aleen start off talking about Vanderpump Rules. Is Jax having a mid-life crisis? Who cares? Jax doesn’t care about anyone but himself, so why should we? After, they talk about a letter from a listener whose boyfriend’s mom has begun hustling her boss via LInkedIn— and if she could help her land the gig. They wrap up talking about general couple stuff, like being annoyed with one’s boyfriend. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices