Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

Shots Fired!!! If you're down in the 954 or the 305 and you see a half naked white dude singing and dancing shakin' that thang - don't worry, that's Rihanna. The elephant in the room must be addressed - Peter Caine has called the MAIN MOMS out! Lord only knows what will happen next, but Peter Caine is on the watch list. Should he worry about Tina and Tommy? No. The little Mommy's? Probably. Theo? You Bet. You can't just talk s**t like that and not expect bad things to happen.  As Theo has always said, "Don't start nuttin, won't be nuttin."  Plus Tommy has returned from City Connection and he can't wait to go back. He's got that international jeans fever! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Please don't talk, please don't touch my service dog! Don't talk to my dog, the dog is being good. You're getting the dog in trouble, you di@k! Maybe Peter Caine is right??? Tom's in Hong Kong aka "City Connection" right now. He had a real nice hair cut before he left and we talk about it. Christina admits to seeing the same hairdresser since 1998, but he's awesome so don't sweat it.  Cops are still all fu$%in bald and s$it. We discuss nightmare jobs for us personally. Being nocturnal is horrible. COPS is our new favorite show. It's fun to watch people who cook meth getting arrested. And you should always look at the positive aspects of your meth cooking spouse. Christina gets punished for using her BIG WORDS in the last episode... Aunty Fee takes the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Tom picks the opening clips, it's usually porn. But this porn clip is "revolutionary" according to Tom. We deconstruct Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda". Both versions, fart and original. We also explore "the cowboy hip hop" and real "hip hop" dancing. The cargo pant debate rages on! We look forward to Tom's upcoming Asian dumps. Theo hears his latest song and comes on the show to discuss his royalty agreement. Wendy's has a neat corporate training song.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whenever you see a microphone anywhere that is an opportunity. The possibility now exists that you can grab that mic and you can fart in it. This is how we even the playing field in life. A homeless man and a Greek billionaire suddenly become the same living being - a mic farter.  King A** Ripper is an international treasure for a reason. He seizes the opportunities that others ignore. He never, EVER passes on the chance to drop heat for the rest of us. Thank you Hairy N Gross Glutton. You inspire us all. International super star Nicki Minaj got the hint (okay it wasn't her) and now has a real hit on her hands! Plus Theo heard the song that all the Mommy's are talking about and, you guessed it, he wants his cut. Tina tries to reason with him, but there's no taking the hood out of this pooch.  Tina is a big NERD and wears undies during a massage (MOMSSAGE). Are you the same type of NERD that she is? If you're a flight attendant please keep the jokes inside of your head. You're the WORST! And finally Half Ounce

Don't yank your snot in another seaman's towel! It's rude and disgusting and now we got two guys on Night Watch to make sure no one else does it, Master Seargent. Little Doggy Jeans AKA Feefo AKA Theo Huxtable AKA The Hardest playa on the block ate tin foil. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that he is not a "Very smart person." He is, in fact, a dog. In this, The "Forgotten "Episode" we recap how our dog scared us and made us rush all over the city worried sick about our sick dog. We were so worried that we forgot to upload this ep in our mad rush to catch a flight. Desperate salesmen are like friends - They're the WORST!!!  Plus we talk about LEASE-A-CAR Acting Studios, Dental Updates and more. We'll never forget our Jeans behind again!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you do the ALS Ice Bucket challenge make sure you suffer thru it, so says the unofficial spokesman of the ALS Foundation.  We wear our jeans the highest and we hope you appreciate that. Did you remember that cops are bald and s**t? They're bald, man. They're f****n bald. Do we have a song about that? Yup.  Plus Tommy ate a Joey Diaz edible again and, you guessed it, panic, fear and unplanned detours took place. When Tina reads their text exchange you might have to rewind it and hear it again.  Is the Cargo Shorts debate finally resolved?!?! NO. You, the little mommy can't decide and neither can we. Be The JEANS! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How's your hook set? BOOM! Make it pop.  Do you know how to pitch a show in Hollywood? We have the insight for you so that you can have a fun, depressing time like we do. There's a big, significant difference between a hard, bloated belly and a soft, hanging gut. We BREAK IT DOWN! You, the little mommy weighs in on the Cargo shorts/D**k Detective debate and we gotta tell you, the Mommy's are split! That's right, the debate continues!!! We got more love for Mike Tyson and we revisit King A** Ripper and his library of artwork (fart work).  Plus Tina's dad (from the 18th Street Gang) talk about how cops are like, F***in bald, man!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you can't write a song, just sing what you're actually seeing or holding the moment that you open your mouth. That way you can belt out a total piece of trash, just like you were meant to. Turn up the volume! Listen to us talk about stuff and play audio clips! See? Plus Tommy met Mike Tyson. What? Yup. And it's a pretty crazy story. Turns out the former champ is a big fan of streaming content.  Do Cargo shorts make that bulge even BIGGER? The mommy's debate and invite you to weigh in with your d**k knowledge. Give us your best shot, little jeans. And OMG Maria is FIRED UP. Was it service? Yes. Was it Starbucks? No. Is a race/ethnicity mentioned? You bet! Pull em up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's for the kids, man. The treats are for the kids and YMH is for the kids. If your kids don't already listen to this show, please change that.  We can't stand watching Americans look for real estate abroad. It's like listening to a child question how the science works - a lot of questions and sometimes the SAME ones. Over and over and over.  We have a DENTAL UPDATE from the NEWS - Oh my. Floss your denticles, hahahahaha. More bummer white people movies, bad music, DMX redeems himself and lot more.    We DON'T LIKE SALT WATER BREEZES!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sharkeisha, What??? We got a new jam for you.   Super talented comic/model Nick Youssef has an album out and now we can all rejoice! We've been long time fans of young Youssef and now you will be too. Make sure to get his debut, Stop Not Owning This.  Peter Caine is back at it - this time it's about your dog's leash and issues! Plus we introduce Nick to the idea of the C*mdog that will one day live in our backyard.  We cover The Comedy Store, Nick's youth and a whole LOT more. Nick is a total honorary mommy and will definitely be back weaving denim with us soon.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

These are the jeans you dream about. The ones we have on are made for sitting, talking, relaxing and of course, celebrating Eat A Booty Day. Thanks to Trick Daddy we can all celebrate together. Please reach out to him on twitter @305Mayor and ask him to sell us the Eat A Booty Shirts.  Speaking of clothes, has Tommy joined a gang? His new shorts and shirts will have saying, "Sup Homie! Sun Valley Gang for life homie!" Plus we investigate did a flight attendant have their EYES on Tommy Mommy's junk as he slept?!?! Let's break it down! The mommies ate some BAD food back to back and meals and their fart makers paid the price. BK plus eggs and pancakes make you feel good. Tina jeans did some serious fitness and then slept for 16 hours. Will she keep this new lifestyle choice up?   REAL TALK, Bummer White people movies and more!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You, the little Mommy, asked. We, The MAIN MOMMY'S, answered and Ms Pat is here! Ms Pat is one of a kind and we LOVE her. While she's lived the kind of life that would make a lot of us bitter, Ms Pat is the opposite. She engaging, full of life and absolutely hilarious.  We get the inside scoop on what has made Ms Pat so funny and such a saavy hustler. Just listen and you'll be saying "I'm a ol' drug dealer" in no time.  Epic stories, DMX audio and a Tom OR Black for the ages. Who wins this one?!? Pull your jeans up and listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeff Richards is a (Muscle) bitch! You'll get it soon enough. We have the former Mad TV and SNL star in the mommy dome.  This episode has it all: show biz stories, life lessons, spot on impressions and something we are now HUGE fans of - the MUSIC of Jeff Richards. We are hooked like we're wearing a new pair of jeans or something. Plus Dental News, breaking down 2 Live Crew (Tom's Beatles) lyrics, listener music and more. This is why we wear denim - episodes like this one.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

SUP KANE!!! SUP TOM???? Yup. BDK is down with Buns and we get you the get down. Long story short, Kane is a chill dude and we hope to get him in the Dome soon. Have you heard or seen DMX ride a roller coaster. It's incredible and we share it with you.  Did you that Tina Jeans and Sydney Castillo can SPIT BARS?!?!? You must take your eyes to the site and watch the REGULAR BODY video. We sense a Grammy over here.  We go back to get SNOOSHI and our lady has a surprise for us (in her pants). Plus Tina proposes a new HGTV show for Tommy that combines his love of home shopping and masturbating! We review why you're probably not married, ladies and we have some good info (you should probaby request big dongs more).  What Ya'll Really Want!?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We keeps it real here and we appreciate the realness, gnam sayin? Nothing kept our attention like one of the realest Reality shows ever, Breaking Bonaduce. Gretchen Bonaduce, the ex-wife of Danny B, is in the Mommy Dome and droppin knowledge on us. We talk about the total chaos that was encompassing their lives as this completely unplanned show was filmed and the self-destructive path that Danny was on. It's engaging, outrageous, hilarious and sad all at the same time.  Get ready for a YMH EXCLUSIVE (Tailored Denim). This episode is an instant classic, plus we have a Steven Seagal nugget of wisdom to keep your eyes rolling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eat the booty, if you want to be in the gang! That's a philosophy the mommies can definitely support! Trick loves the kids, but he's also way into eating the booty. We acknowledge and honor his passion. Are you passionate about it too? Please do tell us.  When the jeans step into the bedroom, it's full of hungry eyes and hardcore RAP! Tina knows her man likes beats and rhymes, so she's shifting her sensibilites and wooing her man with that BASS! Are farts foreplay? We think it is even if you don't think it is - It's Only Smells... There's only one group of people ruining the flowers in Elizabeth Park, do you know what type of gypsy we're referring to? Take a guess.  You gots to feed a bitch!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, Canada, you're such a nice place with really great denim and also you floss! This is the Live podcast by which all future live shows will be judged. The Canadian Mommies are real and HARD F***IN CORE! Toronto is no joke, you know what we're sayin? Tommy and Tina drop dreams on you! Who requested a T Bunz piledriver? Which race crawled up in Tina in her sleep-filled mind? We try to understand what people are sayin. Pretty sure that one of them is even too advanced for the most seasoned mom. Give it a shot, ketchup/mustard! Can Britney Spears sing? We have evidence that suggests your opinion on her vocals has always been on point. Plus Aunty FeeFee drops knowledge thru music and Top Dog raises even his own brown bar! Remember, "It's Only Smells."  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh Jeans can you see, that America is the best and loudest place in the world! Can you tell when an A1 US of A person is around? Let's break it down! If someone told you to Go F yourself, could you? Black Salami has something show the people who doubt that he can. WARNING, it's NSFHE - Not Safe For Human Eyes.  How does God do a new thang if he's still doin the same thang?!?!?! Momstralia/Australia speaks English...sort of. Can you understand this bloke? We have Dental Updates all around plus more from our favorite Dog Trainer, Peter Caine. Things are getting weirder. Big Shouts to Ontario, Canada for all the love this past week. That's some real nice denim you guys have up there. This episode will make you wish your peepee was stuck in Budder. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's your mom's house! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey YO!!!! What it do, Junior Boo Boo? It's so fun to make fun of family and we encourage you to PUSH THOSE LIMITS! If the elevator posts a weight limit, suggest to your mother/wife/son that they will break it - then point and laugh! We Bro'd down hard in the Bro to celebrate the greatest birthday ever for Country Numero UNO. Hope you got down too or at least thanked us for being the best.  Jeans In My C**T is STUCK in our heads and we hope it's in yours too. Care to hear it again? Good.  Tina and Tommy are seriously in the TV BIZ now. Will a network pick up Tom Farts in a Jar or Dog D**K Afternoon? We sure hope so (they're really good ideas).  One of our listeners actually worked for the mastermind behind Friday (not the movie) and Chinese Food (Is that also a movie?) and lets us in behind the curtain of his mediocrity.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices