Your Mom's House With Christina P. And Tom Segura

You guys are like salmon. You say you're more smarter, but ya'll are the stupidest mutherf***ers we have ever seen! Just kidding - we Love you!  The Mommy Dome is happy to welcome Christina's fellow castmate from Funniest Wins, Mr. Sydney Castillo! Sydney can come back whenever he wants as he is a total JEANS MACHINE (AKA a Natural Fit).  We break down the difference between Ft. Worth and Dallas, defend abusive coaches, Biggie vs Beatles, Dental Updates, OG WYR, plus the most epic TOM or BLACK ever! You are not prepared for the good times wrapped up in the episode! Stay Social! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Take care of your rectum and its "situations" or get a Woolery-approved lubricant to stop the pools of blood.  We can't stop the madness and the madness is in the form of music. MAKE IT STOP! Or don't?  How come an itchy butt will just pop up out of nowhere? We break it down! We're thinking of getting a (legal) slave - PLUS Dental Updates, a NEW Corporate song and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are kids here so please SIT YOUR WHORE ASS DOWN! That's a pretty aggressive way to address a fellow passenger, but we all have our days. Chuck Woolery blames Canada and wants to take them down! Will you side with him? Our bed is old and we are ready for a new one - where do you sleep, outside? On nails? Share your experience.  Tina's fart game has been raised and the Mommies make a promise to stop droppin bombs - can they keep it? REAL TALK - The Gypsies are back and White Trashier than ever. S**T just got way worser, ya'll. Will we ever eradicate them? This episode is like a bag of chips going into a bowl.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme said the less than fully toothed lady. That's no way to get the joint passed over, boo. You gotta mind your manners! White trash is a special breed of human and we like to think of them as the worst (and most entertaining) representation of our race. From West Virginian gypsies to your standard meth head, there's no shortage of awful when it comes to the White man.  Biggie vs Beatles is no where near over. We read your emails as you side with one or the other - and you don't hold back!  Plus dozens of awful songs have been pouring in. We bless your earholes with the sweet sounds of no talent.  Top Dog is on the horn and he now wants to be an author. Won't you buy his book? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What hurts on you? Your what, your what, your what? That's nice, lady! As the Great Italian pornographer, Rocco says, "You must have both the passion and the chemistry and the focus and not know when the end is here for it to go with what is there." Understand? Peter Caine is our new hero. Don't you dare threaten him and don't EVER leave your dog with a friend. Friends are the worst. Bad songs are evidently existence in abundance. Thank you for filling our inbox with them. Is the Biggie/Beatles debate over? Nope! Who do you side with, Tina's super white/super lame explanation or Tom's hard and black and super real argument?  Gross sexual kinks are fascinating. Do you have one? Please share. And, you know what I'm sayin, we want that GENUINE "Gnam sayin" Know what we're saying? Bossa Nova forever! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Body Talk, yo. What's your body say about you? Do you have towels? Partners? A LOT of time? Get your fitness on, God.  Tina's not playin. She's doing Quadruplethons and she's sponsored by Chili and other premium fitness brands.  We love working out in prison and prison movies too! Chopper and Bronson are doing it real big and with cool accents.  More bad songs, DENTAL UPDATE, WYR and More! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The battle continues! What's the worst song we've ever heard? YOU GET TO DECIDE. Could it be about Ames, Iowa? Maybe. West Saint Paul? Possibly. Chinese Food? Hey, what's happening here? Luckily for you, it's all terrible.  Horses are NOT WELCOME in the Mommy Dome. Get your glue machine out of our faces. Smelly, demon dwellers.  Vietnamese seems like a difficult language. Now try it with a gun to your head. We make it easy!!! Plus we have to navigate how to say a very, um, difficult name to pronounce.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you bark like a dog, you should BARK LIKE A REAL ENRAGED DOG. Thankfully, we have the man to show you how it's done. Ain't no woof woof over here, kid. Your Jeans have spoken and confirmed what HALF of US already knew - Tommy is pretty close to being the MAIN MOMMY via the Biggie vs Bowie vs Beatles debate.  But then again Tina hasn't stopped making brown for the last few days, so does the MAIN MOMMY CROWN belong on her??? We have more awful songs and examine a Tyler Perry, uh, movie - is that what they're called? It also has a song that could run alongside Summertime and Social. It's BAD meaning BAD.    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

DON'T RECORD ME, SON! Stay up, Staten Island. And yo, I heard your girl been giving that stuff out to all dem guys, yo! Who would you rather have playing at your birthday party a leather boy or a B Boy? You're picking sides here, dawg. Tina is eating a lot of veggies and her toots are sending a clear message. Will she respond appropriately???  If you report the news, report it! Say the thing that the guy said. We're adults. We can handle it, jeans.  There are songs galore here and an ALL NEW FILL HER UP that will have you seriously deliberating who to seal shut! Aren't you glad that SUMMERTIME IS HERE. It's the best, right?   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jason Nash Is Married. This is not only a factual statement, but also the name of a new movie written by, directed by and starring our very special guest, Jason Nash. Tina Jeans became good buds with Nash over the last month as they both filmed the top secret show that you now know about. We love Jason for a lot of reasons, but his honesty about marraige and parenthood might top it all. If his movie is anything like this conversation we cannot wait to see it!  Plus don't look at, approach, pet, whistle towards or think of another persons dog and a HUGE Dental Update from Tina's bestie, amazing audio and more!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Somewhere on some street that goes by the name Marquette, the dumbest person alive is walking around recording himself on his phone so that we may document stupidity in all its glory.  This episode is packed, but here's what you need to know: Top Dog AND OMG Maria BOTH have calls. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sometimes when someone screams to F**K someone Right in their P***y they are not who they seem! REJOICE, Tina is back in the Mommy Dome and her jeans are tighter than ever. Will she reveal secrets of her shoot? I don't know. Maybe.  When a LADY gets a massage do Pro men go for the gold and give her that happy ending? Let's discuss. Chuck Woolery is doing A LOT of commercials. A LOT. And they're all for old people that are falling apart. What do they each pay? 11 dollars. Tommy and Tina discuss how many more marriages they'll go thru. More than 3? That seems like too many. Maybe we should just sign a good ol' C*m dog up to hang out around the house. Sean Connery approves!  If you never saw the House of Cosby's do yourself a favor and watch them, Rudy. They are AMAZING, Theo. Eat the pudding slice! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

YOOOOOOOOOOOshi! Oh my goodness. He's back - the most downloaded man in YMH history was the step mom in Seattle when Tina couldn't make it. Sadly, the audio isn't great. BLUEBAN'S fault. But it's still worth a listen - why? Well, it's Yoshi. There's no description that does it justice. He covers all his hits: AIDS, assault, murder, kidnapping, racism and more! You ain't ready. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's keep getting social! What if SWV covered that song? Or what if all their songs were about Jeans? It's all possible with your MOMS. If you have your stomach stapled or some of it is just taken away be careful when you pass wind because everything might just fall out of you. Tina gives you her secret formula to hotel coffee that is POWERFUL. It's White Lightning that leads to Brown Thunder. The four major food groups are steak, shrimp, chicken and ribs. We help you understand how much of each is important for your diet. Magic Johnson has those AIDS in case you didn't know. Also, Al Sharpton versus words is fantastic. Wear those jeans, gurl.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Live from Denver with Chuck Roy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Derivatives are, you know what I'm sayin, like important when you, know what I'm sayin, doin calculus. Word. Dudes should not masturbate on the bus with other people around when those people have camera phones cause you get recorded and then you get arrested (plus it's rude). The exception would be if you had a nice cheese with you and then you can get romantic. You know what's better than a girl fight? Shovel fight! Yeahhhhh! Plus Bad Acting and more. Bang! Bang! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh the mommies are worldwide, yo! Even though Tina Jeans couldn't make it to Canada (Manada) Tommy Bunz still went up there and did what a single mom has to do. He found a man to help him out. The great Toby Hargrave sat in as a step mom and he was amazing! Toby and Tommy break down a crazy park landscaper, religious upbringings, parenting, heckling, Fill Her Ups, Would You Rathers and so much more. This ep really is the Moose's (Because Canada) T**s! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Come on, guys! Say it with me! Working for my company is fun!!! Lets sell market stuff and sell it and also ship it, yeahhhh! Jobs should be exciting and so should telling the world about it. Lets get social - Social. We feel for you if your coporation or boss is one of these wind bags who tries to dress up work like it's fun. Or worse, when they think you're stupid enough to buy into making profit for THEM as something YOU love to do. Some of this coporate talk made our jeans hang very loose. Just remember that your job doesn't define you, little mommy. Pastor Manning is back with way more CRAZINESS. Just a heads up - he's not a fan of our Prez. Praise the Lord, Ya'll! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stimulate our minds, Jeans! The Ice House is always bumpin when 2 Mommies wearing denim decide to sit down for some greezy time. A great crowd filled the room while many more watched it streaming online. This live show has amazing audio, mommy confessions, intimate talk, Fill Her Up and so much more! We just opened a new denim processing factory because of this episode!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well a very heavy bertation tonight. We had a very derison bite. Lets go ahead terrison to the bit in the hit a bit. Make sense? Good. Ladies, watch out, it could happen to you (fingers crossed!). Theo has been going on SOLO adventures. We finally catch up to what he's been doing - he was not very forthcoming, for the record. Plus a touching Easter story from Tina and she REkindles the flame that is her passion for UB40. Can Tom decode what some black guy is saying? Did The Ultimate Warrior know where the Dudes were at?? We may be able to confirm that. Keep It Greezy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices