Simply Abundant Intuitive

Periods of transition (like going from single to married) can be happy and exciting, but also painful and frustrating. You have an expectation about how you should feel—all sunshine and roses, right? How could you be anything but elated to marry the love of your life? So why are you also feeling crappy and confused and anxious? It’s because your expectations are based in fantasy, not reality. They come from what you’re “supposed” to feel. But negative feelings don’t mean you’re moving in the wrong direction; they’re just part of being human. And this isn’t just about marriage. These Jekyll and Hyde emotions can happen with a new job, new house, new baby, etc. It’s normal to feel both excited and insecure when starting a new job. And moving to your dream home doesn’t mean there isn’t room for sadness over what you’re leaving behind. Some people try to minimize the negative feelings by saying, “But I asked for this! I should be happier!” It’s not black and white, so don’t give them meaning and think it’s a sig

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” I talk with money coach, author and educator Leisa Peterson. Growing up the daughter of hippie parents who were always in financial struggle, Leisa thought money was the answer to everything. Rejecting her upbringing where she felt like a misfit, Leisa pursued a lucrative career in finance, married her college sweetheart and had two kids. The outside looked perfect, and although she wasn’t happy, she didn’t question what happiness meant until her father was brutally murdered. This pivotal event sent her diving head-first into Buddhism, mindfulness and meditation… but it actually wasn’t her darkest moment. Listen in as Leisa shares her journey from lack and emotional disconnect to one of abundance (which has nothing to do with money). Today she runs a thriving business and money coaching practice in Sedona, AZ, and has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, FastCompany, Forbes and more. Leisa combines 25 years of finance experience

When it comes to dating and relationships, people sure have a lot of timing rules: it’s too soon to talk about marriage, I can’t meet his/her parents until we’re officially a couple, it’s too late to have kids. These rules are fueled by a fear of loss and lack of trust in yourself. They serve as a crutch because they feel safe, but they can also be used to judge yourself, “Things fell apart because I did this too soon!” Your readiness should be determined by how you feel, not some artificial timeline. For example, when it comes to physical intimacy, instead of following the three-date rule, engage when you feel ready. If you’re unsure, connect with your feelings and ask why you want to (or don’t want to) be intimate. Your answer should come from inside, not from societal “norms” or what other people think is appropriate. When you learn to trust your feelings, they won’t lead you astray. It’s not a matter of when; it’s getting clear on what you want and how you feel that should determine your course. Each ti

How neat and tidy do you like to keep your life? Do job and relationship issues have to be a certain way, and do people need to fit into a particular category so you know what to expect? Black and white is predictable. Grey is messy and unknown so it’s hard to know how to act. The problem with this neat-and-tidy mentality is that it’s incredibly limiting in how you see the world and the your place in it. It’s really hard to move out of a comfortable existence if you don’t challenge your perception and your need to keep things predictable. Here is a common scenario: you’re frustrated with someone at work because you believe they’re checked out. You label them as a flake because it’s easier to know how to act around them when that is the expectation. You don’t rely on them for anything, you complain about them to others, etc. Allowing for a grey area where they may have other redeeming qualities is too messy and complicated so you throw the baby out with the bath water. Who cares if they are also great at quic

We all have childhood pain to some extent, but we come up with ways of avoiding it or looking for something to take it away. You may set up your life to avoid feeling it by people pleasing or trying to be perfect to avoid criticism, but it doesn’t work. When you swallow your pain, you tend to strategize to make it go away, but what happens instead is that your emotional reactions are even more painful because you haven’t dealt with those feelings. You don’t realize how deep you’ve buried your pain, yet it manages to rule your life. If you have a demanding mother who is controlling and manipulative, being around her will likely send you back to your old childhood pattern with her: compliance, keeping the peace, etc. You invalidate your own feelings to fall in line with what you’ve always done. You swallow your pain, but it’s behind your words, actions and reactions. This pain is magnified if she outright denies how she treated you as a kid, leading you to believe you imagined it or overreacted. If you let yo

People often confuse relief with feeling good, but there is a BIG difference. Relief is external. It’s temporary and doesn’t require you to leave your comfort zone. Relief is going to a therapist as a means of catharsis—so you can vent about everything that isn’t working in your life, then leave. Sure you may feel better immediately after, but how long does it last? And more importantly, what has changed? Feeling good is internal. It comes from taking action and it actually lasts. Talking to a therapist and following that up with emotionally difficult action that stretches you outside your comfort zone may not give you a sense of relief, but it will set you down the road to feeling good. If you come home from work and your partner hasn’t taken out the trash like he/she is supposed to do, you may be annoyed. So instead of having a conversation to share your feelings around it, you end up taking it out yourself. You feel momentary relief (trash is taken care of), but also build resentment… which is the opposit

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” I talk with yoga teacher and certified health coach, Shayna Hiller. Growing up in an affluent town in New Jersey, Shayna was desperate to be liked. This led to an eating disorder and obsessive/compulsive exercising that lasted for years. When she hit 67 pounds, she was actually proud of her achievement, but it was her mom’s reaction one morning that turned things around. As Shayna laid in bed, her mom shrieked in horror at her skeletal body because she thought her daughter was dead. From that day forward Shayna dedicated herself to getting healthy, and she has done it holistically. Today she’s a yoga teacher and health coach, leading wellness retreats around the world. Early in her adult life she lived in the jungles of Costa Rica where she experienced her most significant healing and personal transformation. Now she lives and works in Venice Beach, CA. Learn more about Shayna at www.shaynahiller.com.

People often stay in bad relationships because they are afraid of losing their lifestyle—the house, group of friends, money, vacations, etc. It’s not just losing a partner, it’s losing the whole package. The problem is, that fear is often worse than the reality and it’s used as an excuse for staying in a dysfunctional relationship. Staying provides a false sense of security… but do you want a lifestyle or a LIFE? Maybe you’re in a “transactional” relationship or a quasi-friendship with your partner. You have your routine so it works well enough to keep you there. If you were to separate, it would disrupt your kids’ life or require you to sell the house or leave you as the only single person at social events. All of this is a trade-off for a fulfilling relationship, but you believe it’s better to hold onto what you have because it’s the devil you know. Upsetting the apple cart means treading into the unknown where anything can happen, and when your fearful imagination is in charge, that could mean living in a

Compassion is such a nice word but it’s hard to do, especially when you have an attachment to your judgmental feelings. Compassion isn’t about giving away your power. It’s not feeling sorry for someone and it’s not excusing or accepting poor behavior. It’s a state of grace that comes from love. When you practice compassion, you understand other people are flawed with their own patterns and negative beliefs, so you can allow them to be who they are. It’s similar to love in that you must have it for yourself in order to have it for others. Self-righteousness is much easier than compassion. When someone is defensive or avoids or creates their own misery, telling them what they are doing wrong may feel good in the moment, but it won’t last. Saying, “I don’t agree with you, but I understand you’re hurting and I’m here for you” is compassionate. It’s open and vulnerable and yep… it’s tough. Compassion doesn’t mean you condone someone’s thoughts or actions; it’s simply being there for them and understanding they ha

Not literally! I was raised by parents who through no fault of their own possessed no self-awareness and lived by very dogmatic rules. This resulted in creating insecure feelings, but of course I didn’t know that’s where the seeds were sown. If you were also raised by wolves (used facetiously, of course) your emotional needs were probably not met, although you sure did work hard to try. This may have led to believing something was wrong with you, as if you had some fatal flaw. But guess what? NOTHING is wrong with you. You were influenced by emotionally unavailable caregivers, growing up with an inconsistent example of what love is and how to get it. As a kid you weren’t able to see your parents as flawed human beings, but now you can see things from a different perspective. If one of your parents used to say, “We don’t like you, even though we love you,” that is absolutely going to affect your relationships. Those words play over and over in your subconscious so you do everything you can to be liked and lov

I have talked about the stories we tell ourselves, based on our experiences and negative beliefs… but what happens when you’re the star of someone else’s story? Maybe someone has decided who you are and what you’re about. If it’s negative, you may go to great lengths to prove them wrong. Maybe someone calls you selfish even though you bend over backwards to be generous. For reasons of their own, they have created a story about you, but you still do everything you can to be MORE pleasing, MORE generous, MORE of whatever you believe you fall short of. But of course you can’t control what other people think about you and trying to change their story is futile. Have you ever been there for a friend who was going through a breakup, being a shoulder to cry on, bringing meals, etc. only to hear him/her say, “No one cares about me.”? Maybe this friend thinks you should be doing more, so despite your best efforts, you feel you’ve fallen short in their eyes. Or you hear from someone else you didn’t do enough. As much

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” I talk with visual artist Col McGunnigle. As an award-winning graphic designer for 25 years, Col was at the top of her game, appearing in Vogue, Vanity Fair, Town & Country, and many other publications. So when a chronic illness hit in 2014, she was blindsided. At first she pretended she wasn’t sick, afraid no one would hire her, which led to a very dark place: lying face-down on the floor, feeling like she was being dragged behind a speeding car through ground glass. Col knew she needed to pick herself up (physically and emotionally), but felt trapped and unable to do so. Listen in as she shares how she dealt with this difficult transition, and redirected her creative energy into a new form of artistic expression. Today Col paints for herself, intuitively allowing the imagery to emerge and uplift her. Rather than viewing her illness as an enemy, she sees it as something which has taken her on a journey into the unknown. Despite her da

A lot of people who are insecure about their situation want to predict the future. They want to know what to expect so they are prepared. If this is you, perhaps you turn to friends, psychics, therapists, etc. to assure you everything will be ok. But why? Where does this stem from. Yep, your good old friend fear: fear of loss, fear of surrender (letting go of control), fear of judgment, fear of the unknown, etc. If you know the outcome to something, you think you can strategize the steps to get there, which is much more comforting than moving forward into the unknown. But trying to predict the future robs you of the present. If you’re in a relationship and want your partner to commit, you may cling to a fantasy future together… maybe it’s a future someone told you would happen. But then you start to cherry-pick your partner’s words and actions to support this fantasy while disregarding the rest. You think you’re working toward this outcome, but it’s by force and not necessarily based in reality. It’s ok to w

Defending yourself is reactionary; in response to a trigger. If someone pushes your emotional buttons you may respond with, “I did that because of X, Y, Z” or “That’s ridiculous, I would never say that.” You think you’re reacting to what someone else did or said, but you’re really reacting to something that already exists inside of you. Somewhere there is a belief that what they did or said has some validity, otherwise you wouldn’t react. Defending yourself gives the illusion of power, but really you’ve given it away because now you need to convince them of your story—the one you’re defending. If they don’t agree you get even angrier, leaving you in a bottomless pit of defensiveness. Defending yourself is heavy and a waste of time; there is no satisfactory ending. If someone follows up on something you were supposed to do—at work or home—do you feel the need to come up with excuses? Maybe you were ABOUT to send that email or water the lawn, but instead of simply saying you haven’t done it yet, you snap back

When you don’t feel loveable, you may strategize to get what you aren’t giving yourself, looking for someone else to fill you up. Or you’ll manipulate a situation to compensate for what you lack. You don’t realize you’re playing a game, but you are. Games involve winners and losers; right and wrong; black and white. You think your carefully orchestrated moves give you greater value or respect, but they don’t. They only serve to satisfy your head. In a healthy relationship your partner can’t fulfill what you lack—you have to do that on your own. How often do you fight for the upper hand? Maybe you punish your partner for calling late, ignoring them when they do call. You want to teach him/her a lesson in an attempt to get your power back. Or you personalize it and blame your partner for not caring about you. And how does it feel afterward? Probably not very good. When you strategize, working toward a desired outcome, your head is in control and your heart is nowhere to be found. It stems from a lack of value.

If she wasn’t such a control freak, everything would be fine. When he finally leaves his wife we’ll be happy. If he/she would just commit a little more, everything would be perfect. How often does “happily ever after” hinge on that ONE thing? You hold on for it to change because why throw away a good relationship just because of something that’s fixable, or may resolve itself over time? The problem with hanging on for that “one thing” to change is you are not seeing the big picture. You’re using it as an excuse because even if it did change, you would probably find a different problem to focus on. It’s easier to point at one issue because then you don’t have to address the real reason you’re choosing to stay. When you fixate on a problem or make excuses for it, hoping it will cease to be an issue, you are settling for an unfulfilling relationship. Instead of focusing on that one problem, look at your relationship as a whole. Take responsibility for where you are and why you’re settling for semi-functional.

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment,” I talk with best-selling author and founder of the School of Feminine Magnetism, Jacquie Somerville. Before Jacquie found her true self, she succumbed to societal pressures about marriage and kids, ending up the wife of a gay man. As she started connecting with her heart and challenging the status quo, she discovered something important: the more she fought against herself, the more disasters happened. This all culminated in a very dark day that upended her life. Listen in as Jacquie shares how she worked through this horrifying time and came to a place of acceptance. A natural born storyteller, Jacquie Somerville is bold, irreverent and funny. She teaches women to live gloriously by answering their calling, loving big and having undying faith. Jacquie draws on a lifetime of challenging and rewarding experiences, believing the keys to a successful life include following your heart and honoring the calling of your soul. She shows audien

How often do you think you know what your partner is going to say or do? And how often do you act based on that assumption? Trying to read someone’s mind in attached relationships is often tied to a fear of loss. If you’re afraid the relationship may end or waiting for the other shoe to drop, you may try to preempt it by staying a step ahead of what your partner is thinking. Of course you’re not inside their head so you can never really know what they’re thinking, so this is all based on assumptions. It’s also a sign that transparent communication is nowhere to be found. If you sense your partner pulling away, you may spend a great deal of time trying to figure out what he/she is thinking and feeling. Of course you don’t ask them because you’re afraid of the answer so you play detective and draw conclusions. Maybe you talk to your friends about the possible scenarios and determine what the reason must be. Then if your partner says they want to talk to you, your whole body goes numb because you’re convinced a

Just hearing the word vulnerability makes some people run for the hills. But why is it so scary? Because it feels unsafe and people think vulnerability equals a loss of power or becoming a door mat. So in an effort to hold onto the upper hand, they want the other person to go first (show me yours and I’ll show you mine!). But vulnerability is actually empowering. It is at the core of everything, and it is has nothing to do with winning or control. It also has nothing to do with oversharing, which is about validation. Vulnerability is unfiltered authenticity; not holding back what you truly feel, and sharing it. When you open up and speak your truth, you’re vulnerable. When you share how you feel as a means of connecting with another person, you’re vulnerable. When you stop hiding and expose your flaws, you’re vulnerable. Healthy relationships can’t exist without the “v” word. When my fiancé triggers one of my negative beliefs, I have to admit all those cringy, screwed up feelings that were stirred up, which

You think you’re afraid of losing a relationship, job, friendship, money… losing something. But what if I told you your fear isn’t what you think it is? That actually, it’s not about the actual loss. It’s your feelings around the loss you’re afraid of. It’s not your fear of being alone. It’s how you’re going to feel about being alone and what that says about you; how you might be judged. So instead of facing that fear, you stay in an attached relationship. You avoid the feelings around what you fear, but end up creating the circumstances to support it. Your fear is about the future. It’s about what you THINK will happen and the feelings associated with that. But that fear keeps you stuck. It can be paralyzing and the only way out of the trap is to step into the fear. Put yourself in that scenario and ride it all the way to the end, then connect with those feelings. If you end up alone with 12 cats, feel what that would be like. If you fear being judged by others, feel the anticipated ridicule. You’ll likely